wil wheatons nipple ring

Jon and I watched one of the best 'B' movies I have ever seen last night. Python.
Right off the bat there are obviously some problems with this movie. On the case it says the snake is '60 feet of terror' and genetically engineered. In the movie it is 129 feet and was found in a forest in asia.
The director says its because the case and promo's were made before he got ahold of the script and decided to mix it up a bit.

Plot: A snake is found. Brought back. Plane crashes. Snake is loose. It eats then regurgitates all the people it can. It is eventually killed.

Of course there is more to it! Like the small town cop who wants to be an FBI agent. A very bad Casper Van diem with the worst southern accent I have ever heard. Two lesbians who boobies you get to see. The guy who played Freddy Krueger as the doctor who uses big words. And the comic relief!
Kenny the Closer, Wil Wheaton's hero. He is HILARIOUS! Jenny MacCarthy as a weird desperate housewife. She and Kenny have a super funny scene together.
And another cop. The funniest cop in the universe! He is a bumbling idiot.



Questions that are raised during this movie:
How does a 129 foot snake hide in a regular sized car garage?
Do snakes actually scream and yell like that?
Why, when being chased by a snake that big, do our hero and his girlfriend take time to put on their bicycle helmets before fleeing?
Why does Wil Wheaton have purple hair?

I suppose I shall live in limbo never knowing the answers to these. *sigh*
I am terribly excited with the knowledge that they have made a Python 2. The chances of me finding this movie are almost non-existent.

This movie followed the basic recipe for all good b movies.
Lesbian sex scene
Crazy weird monster that is impossible to kill
boobies
random unknown or little known actors
cheesy script
low budget
great soundtrack (something which we have not been able to figure out yet. How do these cheeseball movies get such awesome songs??)

Other mentionables:
Insecticidal~ geeky (but secretly hot girl) does a scientific experiment that goes horribly wrong unleashing giant bugs on a sorority house. (lesbian Boobies)

Cemetary Gates~ genetically engineered tasmanian devils get out of the lab and feast on some college students making a movie in a graveyard. (Boobies)

Sabre Tooth~ genetically engineered and bulimic (I shit you not) Sabre tooth tigers get loose on an island a la Jurassic Park and kill eveyone in sight. (Best bloody battle scene ever)

Anonymous Rex~ dinosaurs did not go extinct. They are walking amoung us with people disguises on. (Daniel Baldwin in a triceratops role. Funny script. Like Film Noir)

Sidekick~A geeky guy discovers his co-worker has powers and helps him discover the potential. Unfortunately the co-worker is a huge ass and uses his powers for evil. (Sadly, no boobies)

And last but not least:
Pterodactyl!
With Coolio in the starring role! Worst actor ever!
pterodactyl eggs stayed dormant in a mountain until a earthquake unleashes them. Coolio stars as a special ops army dude on the hunt for a rebel leader in the forest. There are college students who are looking for this mountain to study it for geological reasons. They pretty much all get eaten. All 60 people in this movie. Those are some damn hungry pterodactyls (There is side boob.)

If you are looking for a decent plot, script, acting, cgi etc. Don't watch these.
If you want cheesy gore and stupid laughs, please watch! I need more people to discuss these with.