Why is it, no matter where i go, no matter how nice i think i look, there are alwas some girls who have whored themselves up so much that I feel like a paperbag in comparison?
Tonight, I went to a bowling alley. A bowling alley for god's sakes! A refuge from high heels, low cut tops and crotch pants! And what do i see?
An ocean of girly-girls dressed up like its the freaking oscars!
My wonderful friend Jon agreed with a situation i suggested.
If a cute guy looks at me (jeans, tank top, sweater and runners) and a girl with enough make up to sink a ship, high heels and disgustingly skanky clothes, would he not say to himself:
"That girl looks high maintenance! But this one! She looks terrific!"
However life does not work out that way. Guys want the barbie doll type. Even if they say to the contrary. All guys want to feel like every other guy is looking at his girl. No one looks twice at me in jeans and a decent shirt.
So i have decided. Groceries? Eyelash extensions. Laundry? mini-skirt. Gas station? I am going to go naked!
Maybe then i wont feel like a lump of oatmeal.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Schooled in the Deaf way Part 2
-The Groupies
These are the people (mostly girls) that want to learn how to sign. They are excited with the thought of hanging out with deaf people. (Like they are magical and grant wishes or something). All of my friends are patient. Hugely patient. Especially with those of us who want to learn. They will help you over and over and over again until you get it right.
But, most of these groupies hit an impasse. They learn so much and either:
a) get frustrated and quit, never to be seen again or
b)can only learn so much. You can teach and teach, they just dont remember more than 10 or 20 signs.
What bothers me about the groupies is, they dont actually look at my friends as people. They view them as a 'cool' thing they can tell their other friends they are doing. Like a dog doing tricks. This pisses me off. You spend all this time with one of them and if i were to ask you what Jake's favourite hockey team is or Bart's brother's name....you can't tell me!
They are the coolest and nicest bunch of people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I thank God, that they were all and still are patient enough with me. I still screw shit up all the time. Shawn is the funniest thing to ever dance like a fairy while playing hockey, Bart the fastest hands in the West, Denise so sweet and she lets me touch her bum, and Jake, showing me that giving someone the middle finger can also mean the CN tower.
I am going to mention Haley here. She might not be deaf, but she rocks just as much. And she has stuck around longer than the others, god bless her.
These are the people (mostly girls) that want to learn how to sign. They are excited with the thought of hanging out with deaf people. (Like they are magical and grant wishes or something). All of my friends are patient. Hugely patient. Especially with those of us who want to learn. They will help you over and over and over again until you get it right.
But, most of these groupies hit an impasse. They learn so much and either:
a) get frustrated and quit, never to be seen again or
b)can only learn so much. You can teach and teach, they just dont remember more than 10 or 20 signs.
What bothers me about the groupies is, they dont actually look at my friends as people. They view them as a 'cool' thing they can tell their other friends they are doing. Like a dog doing tricks. This pisses me off. You spend all this time with one of them and if i were to ask you what Jake's favourite hockey team is or Bart's brother's name....you can't tell me!
They are the coolest and nicest bunch of people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I thank God, that they were all and still are patient enough with me. I still screw shit up all the time. Shawn is the funniest thing to ever dance like a fairy while playing hockey, Bart the fastest hands in the West, Denise so sweet and she lets me touch her bum, and Jake, showing me that giving someone the middle finger can also mean the CN tower.
I am going to mention Haley here. She might not be deaf, but she rocks just as much. And she has stuck around longer than the others, god bless her.
Schooled in the Deaf way Part 1
The majority of my friends now are deaf. They are a wonderful group of people (with the exception of one sad little man who can't seem to understand that he is not the coolest thing on this planet), and I have experienced many odd things with them or because of them. (See porno conversation).
Why are people so fascinated with the deaf? They talk with their hands! WOW! Let's stare and make them feel like circus sideshows! Here are some very common things that have transpired:
-The Stare!
I dont give a rats ass if you find them/us fascinating. There is no different way to stare. I am not going to say "Oh, well i will not get mad at her, she is staring fascinated-ly". One chickie at the bar, when i said that my friends may find her staring offensive replied with:"Oh! It's okay! I am not staring to be rude! I find them interesting!" Which is funny, cuz she looked damn rude doing it. Do you stare at people speaking portugese? My guess is probably not. How is this any different?
-The Whisper
Imagine the look on your face when after I have heard you talking about my friends, and i finally speak, that you realize that I am NOT deaf and I heard EVERTHING you just said! Good for you for assuming though. Nothing bad evers happens when you do that!
-Stupid Questions
Okay, I ask stupid questions too. But I do try not to ask stupid questions that I am sure people have heard 1000 times. You really think they have never had anyone ask:
-why are you deaf?
-have you been deaf since birth?
-you can drive????? *with a baffled look on their faces*
and other ones like those.
Perhaps the next time someone starts to ask stupid trite questions, I will come back with some of my own.
-why are you fat?
-have you been fat since birth?
-they let you drive that fat????*with a baffled look on my face*
The same lady who said that her staring was not rude staring
had some doozy stupid questions about Jake.
-How does he watch tv?
-Does he go to the movies?
-Is he normal......everywhere? ( i think she was asking about his penis. Wha the hell his broken ears have to do with his penis is beyond me)
I told her it was huge.
Why are people so fascinated with the deaf? They talk with their hands! WOW! Let's stare and make them feel like circus sideshows! Here are some very common things that have transpired:
-The Stare!
I dont give a rats ass if you find them/us fascinating. There is no different way to stare. I am not going to say "Oh, well i will not get mad at her, she is staring fascinated-ly". One chickie at the bar, when i said that my friends may find her staring offensive replied with:"Oh! It's okay! I am not staring to be rude! I find them interesting!" Which is funny, cuz she looked damn rude doing it. Do you stare at people speaking portugese? My guess is probably not. How is this any different?
-The Whisper
Imagine the look on your face when after I have heard you talking about my friends, and i finally speak, that you realize that I am NOT deaf and I heard EVERTHING you just said! Good for you for assuming though. Nothing bad evers happens when you do that!
-Stupid Questions
Okay, I ask stupid questions too. But I do try not to ask stupid questions that I am sure people have heard 1000 times. You really think they have never had anyone ask:
-why are you deaf?
-have you been deaf since birth?
-you can drive????? *with a baffled look on their faces*
and other ones like those.
Perhaps the next time someone starts to ask stupid trite questions, I will come back with some of my own.
-why are you fat?
-have you been fat since birth?
-they let you drive that fat????*with a baffled look on my face*
The same lady who said that her staring was not rude staring
had some doozy stupid questions about Jake.
-How does he watch tv?
-Does he go to the movies?
-Is he normal......everywhere? ( i think she was asking about his penis. Wha the hell his broken ears have to do with his penis is beyond me)
I told her it was huge.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Last tally of the Great Car episode
So lets see. These are the things stolen out of my car.
-backpack
-work clothes
-make up
-birthcontrol
Nothing earth shattering. More of a pain than anything.
Here's what the juveile delinquents LEFT in my car:
-change purse with .26
-a FULL pack of smokes.
Since they caused me $600 of damage and I am supremely broke right now and cant even afford smokes.......it weirdly worked out. I now have smokes.
I think those dumbasses were pretty disappointed when they opened my backpack. But i was pretty happy when i found those cigarettes.
Karma has an odd way of working out.
-backpack
-work clothes
-make up
-birthcontrol
Nothing earth shattering. More of a pain than anything.
Here's what the juveile delinquents LEFT in my car:
-change purse with .26
-a FULL pack of smokes.
Since they caused me $600 of damage and I am supremely broke right now and cant even afford smokes.......it weirdly worked out. I now have smokes.
I think those dumbasses were pretty disappointed when they opened my backpack. But i was pretty happy when i found those cigarettes.
Karma has an odd way of working out.
Friday, February 23, 2007
The Perils of 2 Door Cars
I just posted this in the forum i attend. Thought it was worth sharing. For anyone who wonders, my name on said forum is Ford Prefect. Now this should make sense.
Ford was 18. Sitting at her friend Colin's very very tiny apt. And Ford was very very high. She had taken a hit of acid and Colin had taken some mushrooms. Ford decided to roll a joint. She turns to Colin and asks if he wants some. Colin replies in the affirmative. However, when it came time to smoke it, Colin passed. So Ford smoked it all by herself. This continued for the better part of a half jar of oil. Ford was very high.
Colin and Ford got bored and decided they neede to do something. But it was 3 am! What could they do? Well they could Hitchhike to Colin's cousin Lisa's house in a small town a 20 minute drive away, thats what they could do!!! They thought this was a wonderful idea. So wonderful in fact that they could not believe that they were not already there. In the idea of security, Ford puts a pair of scissors in her pocket and Colin (6'7 and built like a linebacker) puts a butcher knife up the sleeve of his coat. They begin their journey.
They played many games of " I spy" in the complete blackness of the night and everything they spied was inevitably 'black'. So they won alot. Ford taught Colin how to sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall in german. Funny thing though, Ford does not speak any german.
Every time a car passed, they argued who would put out their thumb. By the time they agreed the car would have passed. 3 hours later, a very nice guy in a very old 2 door car pulled over. 3 minutes later they were in front of Lisa's house. Ford got out and let Colin out of the back seat.
Colin turns to Ford and with a look of absolute terror screams "RUN!"Not one to questions absolute terror, Ford ran like she had never run before. Colin followed. When they eventually stopped, out of breath, Ford asks Colin why they did that.
Colin: That guy was going to KILL us!
Ford: How do you know?
Colin: Dude! After i got out and looked back to thank the guy, i saw A KNIFE! A HUGE KNIFE!
Ford: Colin, where's your knife? The knife you had in your coat?
Colin: Oh shit. That was my knife wasn't it? Damn. That was my Nana's. She's gonna kill me
Ford: Well either way you were right. Someone's gonna kill you. At least your nana will give you pie first.
Ford was 18. Sitting at her friend Colin's very very tiny apt. And Ford was very very high. She had taken a hit of acid and Colin had taken some mushrooms. Ford decided to roll a joint. She turns to Colin and asks if he wants some. Colin replies in the affirmative. However, when it came time to smoke it, Colin passed. So Ford smoked it all by herself. This continued for the better part of a half jar of oil. Ford was very high.
Colin and Ford got bored and decided they neede to do something. But it was 3 am! What could they do? Well they could Hitchhike to Colin's cousin Lisa's house in a small town a 20 minute drive away, thats what they could do!!! They thought this was a wonderful idea. So wonderful in fact that they could not believe that they were not already there. In the idea of security, Ford puts a pair of scissors in her pocket and Colin (6'7 and built like a linebacker) puts a butcher knife up the sleeve of his coat. They begin their journey.
They played many games of " I spy" in the complete blackness of the night and everything they spied was inevitably 'black'. So they won alot. Ford taught Colin how to sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall in german. Funny thing though, Ford does not speak any german.
Every time a car passed, they argued who would put out their thumb. By the time they agreed the car would have passed. 3 hours later, a very nice guy in a very old 2 door car pulled over. 3 minutes later they were in front of Lisa's house. Ford got out and let Colin out of the back seat.
Colin turns to Ford and with a look of absolute terror screams "RUN!"Not one to questions absolute terror, Ford ran like she had never run before. Colin followed. When they eventually stopped, out of breath, Ford asks Colin why they did that.
Colin: That guy was going to KILL us!
Ford: How do you know?
Colin: Dude! After i got out and looked back to thank the guy, i saw A KNIFE! A HUGE KNIFE!
Ford: Colin, where's your knife? The knife you had in your coat?
Colin: Oh shit. That was my knife wasn't it? Damn. That was my Nana's. She's gonna kill me
Ford: Well either way you were right. Someone's gonna kill you. At least your nana will give you pie first.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The joys of unemployment
I have discovered through many times of being fired, that there is a certain process one must go through. They are in no order, but at some point you will have done at least some of them.
1. Pictured your boss and/or co-workers in absolute misery. Hopefully by your causing. You think of ways to 'get back' at them. By fair means or foul.
2. Gotten very very very drunk
3. Bitched to everyone and anyone who would listen about:
a. all the shit they put you through
b. how crappy your boss was
c. how you were under appreciated
d. how you are better off not working there anyway
4. Cleaned your house/apt. It seems to be a good excuse to not leave it and a great reason why you are not immediately looking for something else
5. Get caught up on all the reading/tv shows you have missed for same reason as #4
6. Get drunk again
7. Go out and buy yourself something to feel better even though you know you can't afford it but you need a new shirt/skirt/pants for interviews.
I have so far done almost all of these. I am saving the 'getting drunk' portion for tomorrow night. Even though i can't afford it.
Surprisingly, being sans job has been very productive for me. I have done my spring cleaning early. And by 'spring cleaning' I mean i have thrown out a lot of the ex's shit. I have no concern if he needs it or not. (When you break up with someone, dont leave your shit there! It's been 6 weeks! You think i like having your skanky cat and your dirty laundry skulking around??)
I have caught up on some books and watched a lot of movies. I have vacuumed places that have not seen light since i moved in.
I still think i would rather be working. I feel no pride over a clean refrigerator door.
1. Pictured your boss and/or co-workers in absolute misery. Hopefully by your causing. You think of ways to 'get back' at them. By fair means or foul.
2. Gotten very very very drunk
3. Bitched to everyone and anyone who would listen about:
a. all the shit they put you through
b. how crappy your boss was
c. how you were under appreciated
d. how you are better off not working there anyway
4. Cleaned your house/apt. It seems to be a good excuse to not leave it and a great reason why you are not immediately looking for something else
5. Get caught up on all the reading/tv shows you have missed for same reason as #4
6. Get drunk again
7. Go out and buy yourself something to feel better even though you know you can't afford it but you need a new shirt/skirt/pants for interviews.
I have so far done almost all of these. I am saving the 'getting drunk' portion for tomorrow night. Even though i can't afford it.
Surprisingly, being sans job has been very productive for me. I have done my spring cleaning early. And by 'spring cleaning' I mean i have thrown out a lot of the ex's shit. I have no concern if he needs it or not. (When you break up with someone, dont leave your shit there! It's been 6 weeks! You think i like having your skanky cat and your dirty laundry skulking around??)
I have caught up on some books and watched a lot of movies. I have vacuumed places that have not seen light since i moved in.
I still think i would rather be working. I feel no pride over a clean refrigerator door.
for anyone who cares
In all seriousness.....
The fired me becasue i didnt 'adequately' cover my shifts the day after my car was vandalized. Even though my boss said they were.
BUT! I have a job interview on monday and i am going to be so charming so nice so disgustingly sweet that the will need to see the dentist after i am done with them.
Conversation with my son:
S: when will i be a daddy?
M: When you get older you will find someone who you willlove and you will have a baby. (Notice i said 'someone'. I dont want to force him to be straight if he's not going to be)
S:But i love you mommy!
M: umm yeah. I know you do honey. But you will find someone else.
S: Girls have babies right? and i love you and your a girl!
M:aaaaah right. okay yeah. ummmm. well see honey, boys cant have abies with their mommies. When you get older you will meet someone and have babies with them.
S:How old?
M: 20
S: But thats so long! I want a baby now! Mommy, can you have another baby please?
M: *mutters* not if i keep having conversations like this!
The fired me becasue i didnt 'adequately' cover my shifts the day after my car was vandalized. Even though my boss said they were.
BUT! I have a job interview on monday and i am going to be so charming so nice so disgustingly sweet that the will need to see the dentist after i am done with them.
Conversation with my son:
S: when will i be a daddy?
M: When you get older you will find someone who you willlove and you will have a baby. (Notice i said 'someone'. I dont want to force him to be straight if he's not going to be)
S:But i love you mommy!
M: umm yeah. I know you do honey. But you will find someone else.
S: Girls have babies right? and i love you and your a girl!
M:aaaaah right. okay yeah. ummmm. well see honey, boys cant have abies with their mommies. When you get older you will meet someone and have babies with them.
S:How old?
M: 20
S: But thats so long! I want a baby now! Mommy, can you have another baby please?
M: *mutters* not if i keep having conversations like this!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
The fiscality of the consumer screw
I am an awful person and neglected to mention Haley in my last post. As soon as she found out i was fired, she came straight over with chocolate. She barely knows me and yet she could not have done a better job cheering me up. Thanks!!
I picture in my mind a boardroom. With 10 older men in suits surrounding it. Discussing how to screw over us, the consumer.
"Steve, we are low in this fiscal quarter. I think persuant to our last discussion something needs to be done"
"I agree with you John. We are losing money hand over fist here. We need to pull up our bootstraps and devise a plan to re-coup any of our losses"
"What do you suggest Steve?
"I think we need to provide a commodity that the public cannot do without and needs to be purchased excessively"
"Thats a terrific idea Steve!"
The topic?
Hot dog buns.
Why the hell do we only get 8? When hotdogs come in packs of MORE than 8?
Damn those suits. Damn them to hell.
I picture in my mind a boardroom. With 10 older men in suits surrounding it. Discussing how to screw over us, the consumer.
"Steve, we are low in this fiscal quarter. I think persuant to our last discussion something needs to be done"
"I agree with you John. We are losing money hand over fist here. We need to pull up our bootstraps and devise a plan to re-coup any of our losses"
"What do you suggest Steve?
"I think we need to provide a commodity that the public cannot do without and needs to be purchased excessively"
"Thats a terrific idea Steve!"
The topic?
Hot dog buns.
Why the hell do we only get 8? When hotdogs come in packs of MORE than 8?
Damn those suits. Damn them to hell.
Murphy's Law
Well wonderful readers, I am going to top off this fantastic week with a new update. I just got fired ( i think) yesterday.
I was told NOT to come in for my next 2 scheduled shifts but was going to be paid for them. I am to go to a meeting tomorrow at 9 am. I am interested to see what exactly is going on. All i can say is, I am walking in there with an open mind and a held tongue. If after this 'meeting', they decide they do not want me in their employ any longer, then i am bringing everyone down with me. Even though i have only been there for 3 months, I have enough dirt on the majority of the people there.
Sound bitter?
Of course!
I have not had the best week.
Jon did tell me that when i am old and droopy I will look back at my life and say : Well, a lot of bad shit happened to me....but at least it was spread out. Not like that ONE week in February!
Good news! Jon met up with an old flame. One can only hope he played 'the beast with two backs' with her. He needs and deserves it.
and my car has been fixed. And is not going to cost me nearly as much as i originally thought.
Also had a great night last night with Kris.
I was told NOT to come in for my next 2 scheduled shifts but was going to be paid for them. I am to go to a meeting tomorrow at 9 am. I am interested to see what exactly is going on. All i can say is, I am walking in there with an open mind and a held tongue. If after this 'meeting', they decide they do not want me in their employ any longer, then i am bringing everyone down with me. Even though i have only been there for 3 months, I have enough dirt on the majority of the people there.
Sound bitter?
Of course!
I have not had the best week.
Jon did tell me that when i am old and droopy I will look back at my life and say : Well, a lot of bad shit happened to me....but at least it was spread out. Not like that ONE week in February!
Good news! Jon met up with an old flame. One can only hope he played 'the beast with two backs' with her. He needs and deserves it.
and my car has been fixed. And is not going to cost me nearly as much as i originally thought.
Also had a great night last night with Kris.
Monday, February 19, 2007
R-rated 'Ware!
So this may be an odd topic to blog about. It is somethign that I have found at times both amusing and annoying. I understand there is a deifference bewteen men and women. Aside from the obvious physical, the whole emotional crap. What I have weird thoughts on are sex.
A guy will give a girl oral sex (is 'head' a term for that? I have always been confused) and believes when he is done it is okay to shove his tongue down the girl's throat after and she will smile and be happy. Yay! I just tasted myself! Yum!
But if a girl gives a guy oral sex ( i know 'head' is the apppropriate term for that!) and he ejaculates in her mouth, GOD FORBID if she even THINKS of trying to kiss him. Apparently that is disgusting! Absolutely revolting!
I never thought the gender gap would reach that far. How are these two things any different??
I once discussed with a guy this topic. Except he refused to ever go down on a girl. Ever. He said it was dirty and messy. (Bringing to mind my mother and Catholic school health-ed teacher. Bad bad girls! Only naughty dirty girls pleasure themsleves!You will go to hell and burn for eternity in your own disgusting sins. At 10 years old, i pictured this on par with a vat of chocolate moldy pudding. THATS what dirty naughty sins are.)
But oral sex on a guy is okay because their sex organs are on the outside, he explains. Whereas females' are on the inside and somehow harder to clean. He must be forgetting that after his dick has been sitting in his sweaty underwear for 8 hours that he doesnt come out smelling like peaches and pixie stixs.
Either way, I found this to be a bit of an oddity. I am not saying i am a virgin or a slut, but i have experienced this on a number of occasions. Almost all guys are like this.
It somehow must be related to the '2 girls threesome' is okay but '2 guys threesome' is not.
I should get funding and write a paper on it.
A guy will give a girl oral sex (is 'head' a term for that? I have always been confused) and believes when he is done it is okay to shove his tongue down the girl's throat after and she will smile and be happy. Yay! I just tasted myself! Yum!
But if a girl gives a guy oral sex ( i know 'head' is the apppropriate term for that!) and he ejaculates in her mouth, GOD FORBID if she even THINKS of trying to kiss him. Apparently that is disgusting! Absolutely revolting!
I never thought the gender gap would reach that far. How are these two things any different??
I once discussed with a guy this topic. Except he refused to ever go down on a girl. Ever. He said it was dirty and messy. (Bringing to mind my mother and Catholic school health-ed teacher. Bad bad girls! Only naughty dirty girls pleasure themsleves!You will go to hell and burn for eternity in your own disgusting sins. At 10 years old, i pictured this on par with a vat of chocolate moldy pudding. THATS what dirty naughty sins are.)
But oral sex on a guy is okay because their sex organs are on the outside, he explains. Whereas females' are on the inside and somehow harder to clean. He must be forgetting that after his dick has been sitting in his sweaty underwear for 8 hours that he doesnt come out smelling like peaches and pixie stixs.
Either way, I found this to be a bit of an oddity. I am not saying i am a virgin or a slut, but i have experienced this on a number of occasions. Almost all guys are like this.
It somehow must be related to the '2 girls threesome' is okay but '2 guys threesome' is not.
I should get funding and write a paper on it.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Juvenile delinquents
So my car, my very first ever car, which i have only had for 6 months, my wonderful beautiful fantastic car got broken into last night by a bunch of ratty-ass little shits.
It wasnt enough that the stole everything they could find! NO! They also decided to fuck up my ignition so bad that it is undrivable. And break my rear-view mirror.
I call the police who brought dogs! That was the single coolest thing i have ever seen. The cops were wonderful. I called my insurance company and for some weird reason even though when i signed up for it i requested Comprehensive, they neglected to actually give it to me. So I am screwed like the proverbial pony belonging to Catherine the Great. I am responsible to pay all expenses relating to my car.
To the shit-fuckers who decided to do this?
-karma bitch. You are going to have a pretty shitty life. In fact I can make some assumptions about you right now. You have no education, no job and probably a very tiny dick. Infested with some sort of crotch rot. One can guess that with these type of morals, condoms are not a nessecity. You will amount to nothing as no one trusts you. You will live a welfare filled existence and bitch about how the system keeps you down.
To the parents of these fine young people:
You fucked up. You seriously fucked up. How proud are you to have raised such fine upstanding people? Too busy to pay attention to them? Too poor to be a good parent? You justify your abilities all you want. I hope that they steal all your shit and leave you to rot in a sub-par nursing home. To be looked after by other raging morons whose parents did a bad job raising them.
I went to the bar and got terrifically drunk on tequila. And you know what? It did make me feel better.
Best things about last night?
-coolio police dogs
-jake and shawn and denise
-shawn for driving nicely
-haley for being super
and kris for making sure i didnt do anything horribly stupid.
And lastly, Jon, who even though he is super pissed at me, put it aside to listen to me cry. I think thats the meaning of friendship.
It wasnt enough that the stole everything they could find! NO! They also decided to fuck up my ignition so bad that it is undrivable. And break my rear-view mirror.
I call the police who brought dogs! That was the single coolest thing i have ever seen. The cops were wonderful. I called my insurance company and for some weird reason even though when i signed up for it i requested Comprehensive, they neglected to actually give it to me. So I am screwed like the proverbial pony belonging to Catherine the Great. I am responsible to pay all expenses relating to my car.
To the shit-fuckers who decided to do this?
-karma bitch. You are going to have a pretty shitty life. In fact I can make some assumptions about you right now. You have no education, no job and probably a very tiny dick. Infested with some sort of crotch rot. One can guess that with these type of morals, condoms are not a nessecity. You will amount to nothing as no one trusts you. You will live a welfare filled existence and bitch about how the system keeps you down.
To the parents of these fine young people:
You fucked up. You seriously fucked up. How proud are you to have raised such fine upstanding people? Too busy to pay attention to them? Too poor to be a good parent? You justify your abilities all you want. I hope that they steal all your shit and leave you to rot in a sub-par nursing home. To be looked after by other raging morons whose parents did a bad job raising them.
I went to the bar and got terrifically drunk on tequila. And you know what? It did make me feel better.
Best things about last night?
-coolio police dogs
-jake and shawn and denise
-shawn for driving nicely
-haley for being super
and kris for making sure i didnt do anything horribly stupid.
And lastly, Jon, who even though he is super pissed at me, put it aside to listen to me cry. I think thats the meaning of friendship.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Valentine's Day
I am getting so sick and tired of this day. Not becasue i am alone and not because everywhere i look i see gooey people having sex in public on the one of year that no one seems to mind.
I am sick of it because of everyone's bitching. (yeah, thats technically what i am doing too. Shut up. Get your own blog)
If i hear one more person say that valentines day was invented for mass consumerism i am going to puke. People, deal with it. Would it kill you to show your honey that you love them? How is this any different than every other holiday now-a-days? Christmas has become just as disgusting. For God's sakes, Easter has become a holiday filled with bunnies and chocolate. If someone can explain to me how the death and suffering of Christ is related to a fluffy marshmallow chicken, please feel free.
One day a year dedicated to showing your loved one that you appreciate them. If you dont want to fall into the trap of 'money-shows-the amount-of-love', then MAKE a card. Or give them a back rub. Whatever. Doesnt have to be diamonds or a ferrari.
Just shut up already about the commercialism of Valentines day. No one is forcing you to buy anything.
And for those people who do get all gooey, no one wants to see that. Unless it's 2 chicks.
Then on behalf of everyone...................free love baby, free love.
I am sick of it because of everyone's bitching. (yeah, thats technically what i am doing too. Shut up. Get your own blog)
If i hear one more person say that valentines day was invented for mass consumerism i am going to puke. People, deal with it. Would it kill you to show your honey that you love them? How is this any different than every other holiday now-a-days? Christmas has become just as disgusting. For God's sakes, Easter has become a holiday filled with bunnies and chocolate. If someone can explain to me how the death and suffering of Christ is related to a fluffy marshmallow chicken, please feel free.
One day a year dedicated to showing your loved one that you appreciate them. If you dont want to fall into the trap of 'money-shows-the amount-of-love', then MAKE a card. Or give them a back rub. Whatever. Doesnt have to be diamonds or a ferrari.
Just shut up already about the commercialism of Valentines day. No one is forcing you to buy anything.
And for those people who do get all gooey, no one wants to see that. Unless it's 2 chicks.
Then on behalf of everyone...................free love baby, free love.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
This is jon. Any ladies who care to know more, feel free to email me.
Tango in the twilight.
CPR baby. I dont know about you, but this thing seriously creeped me out. I did however manage to sing the Ally McBeal dancing baby song with it. No one got the reference. Jon and i also made them talk with english accents. That was more creepy than i care to describe.
Tango in the twilight.
Here's my second day of CPR pictures. The instructor did not seem impressed that i felt the need to take these. Screw her.
The pics are:
CPR baby. I dont know about you, but this thing seriously creeped me out. I did however manage to sing the Ally McBeal dancing baby song with it. No one got the reference. Jon and i also made them talk with english accents. That was more creepy than i care to describe.Jon and the 'real' dummies for regular people cpr.
My wonderful splint job on jon's 'broken' hip. I have decided that since i know how to do it now, i will do it on anyone whether they have a broken hip or not. Beware anyone who passes out drunk in my vicinity!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Weird conversation #1
"Hey Fez, are you going to puke in my car?"
"no, no no. I would not do that to you."
"okay, just make sure"
"Can you pull over to side of the road please?"
"Um, Fez? Why are you wearing my frilly white toque and scarf?"
"I am? When did that happen?"
"Right before you puked would be my guess"
"no, no no. I would not do that to you."
"okay, just make sure"
"Can you pull over to side of the road please?"
"Um, Fez? Why are you wearing my frilly white toque and scarf?"
"I am? When did that happen?"
"Right before you puked would be my guess"
Porno conversation
For those of you on the forum I go on, this is an old story. Feel free to read if you want to re-hash.
Briefly last year I had 'relations' with a gentleman of the deaf persuasion. This wasn't dating. This was sex.
I have come to realize that sex with a deaf person is an unusual experience. Here's why:
-most of you make noise during coitus (for those of you who don't...shame!), and your partner can gauge how well he/she is doing by your reactions. Not so in this case! You just end up sounding like you are masturbating to anyone who may be in the vicinity. You are wasting calories! They can't hear you!
Myself, I understood this after awhile. Once I did, I hate to admit i started giggling uncontrollably. The gentleman (let's call him Mr. Q) asked what was so funny. I was afraid to tell him in the off chance he may find it offensive.
-no direction!
You cannot tell your partner such lovely things as : harder! faster! slower! OOOOooooooooohhhhh! THAT'S the spot!
I have to say, myself, I am a direction giver. Why waste my time letting you do something to me i do not fully enjoy?
*note: Unless i am trying to figure out my grocery list or what needs to be done the next day
-no dirty talk at all!
NONE!
It's difficult enough to try to sign to them what you are saying during sex much less try to throw some nasty words in there. You feel ridiculous.
I have no idea how it is for them. I can only say what i know. I found the whole thing extremely enjoyable if a little disconcerting. Mr. Q was very good at what he did. I can only indirectly apologize for any inferrance he took from my maniacal laughter.
But! The upsides! Yes, there are many!
-very close attention is paid to detail! No stone left unturned if you will!
-you dont have to worry about calling your ex's name out. You can call them Santy Claus if that's what gets you off
-pillow talk is at a minimum
-you dont have to worry about THEM calling you by a different name. ( I have had this happen to me. It is not enjoyable at all)
-If you are one of those people who makes disgustingly weird noises, this is perfect for you
BEST OF ALL!!!
-they cant annoy the crap out of you! If you dont want to 'hear' what they are saying, just close your eyes and pretend to go to sleep.
Mr. Q, if you ever read this: Thanks so much for a very interesting and new experience for me. I never would have imagined as a young girl blossoming into womanhood, growing up in the wilds of Southern Ontario, picking berries and rolling in straw, I would ever have this kind of story to tell all the folks back home.
God, diversity is a wonderful thing.
Briefly last year I had 'relations' with a gentleman of the deaf persuasion. This wasn't dating. This was sex.
I have come to realize that sex with a deaf person is an unusual experience. Here's why:
-most of you make noise during coitus (for those of you who don't...shame!), and your partner can gauge how well he/she is doing by your reactions. Not so in this case! You just end up sounding like you are masturbating to anyone who may be in the vicinity. You are wasting calories! They can't hear you!
Myself, I understood this after awhile. Once I did, I hate to admit i started giggling uncontrollably. The gentleman (let's call him Mr. Q) asked what was so funny. I was afraid to tell him in the off chance he may find it offensive.
-no direction!
You cannot tell your partner such lovely things as : harder! faster! slower! OOOOooooooooohhhhh! THAT'S the spot!
I have to say, myself, I am a direction giver. Why waste my time letting you do something to me i do not fully enjoy?
*note: Unless i am trying to figure out my grocery list or what needs to be done the next day
-no dirty talk at all!
NONE!
It's difficult enough to try to sign to them what you are saying during sex much less try to throw some nasty words in there. You feel ridiculous.
I have no idea how it is for them. I can only say what i know. I found the whole thing extremely enjoyable if a little disconcerting. Mr. Q was very good at what he did. I can only indirectly apologize for any inferrance he took from my maniacal laughter.
But! The upsides! Yes, there are many!
-very close attention is paid to detail! No stone left unturned if you will!
-you dont have to worry about calling your ex's name out. You can call them Santy Claus if that's what gets you off
-pillow talk is at a minimum
-you dont have to worry about THEM calling you by a different name. ( I have had this happen to me. It is not enjoyable at all)
-If you are one of those people who makes disgustingly weird noises, this is perfect for you
BEST OF ALL!!!
-they cant annoy the crap out of you! If you dont want to 'hear' what they are saying, just close your eyes and pretend to go to sleep.
Mr. Q, if you ever read this: Thanks so much for a very interesting and new experience for me. I never would have imagined as a young girl blossoming into womanhood, growing up in the wilds of Southern Ontario, picking berries and rolling in straw, I would ever have this kind of story to tell all the folks back home.
God, diversity is a wonderful thing.
CPR isnt just for dummies
So first day of CPR! How exciting. Can you feel it oozing off your screen?
There are 6 people in this course. Now there is that one person. In this case a lady. Who knows everything about everything. She has taken this course before and feels that she should be teaching it. Due to some horrible miscommunication, she is stuck taking it with the rest of us poor saps.
Maybe it's because she is a woman? (Oooh, wouldn't that get the Feminists panties in a knot). No, that cant be it. The course is being taught be a woman.
Maybe its because she didnt get the job working at this facility.
Oh I know!
It's becasue she is a know-it-all-cunt who really doesnt know shit from chocolate pudding.
Looking at this woman, made my eyes bleed. (Which is unfortunate because we don't learn about bleeding until tomorrow). Listening to her ramble on about how she knows how to do something better than the instructor made me want to jump across the table, grab her hair and shove that damn overhead into her nostril. I know physically it wouldnt fit, but this is my fantasy dammit. I can shove things wherever i want.
I can make some educated guesses about this woman based on only having being in her presence for 8 hours:
-not married (or she USED to be until her husband realized what a cooze she is)
-no kids
-voted biggest suck-up/teachers pet throughout highschool. For God's sakes, she probably got a plaque for it and still displays it 20 years later.
-awful in bed (my only reason for that is her unnessecary habit of telling people how to do it better:
"Here's how you can do it better Harold!" "No, Harold, there's an easier way to suck my clit!" "God, Harold, Let me show you properly how to stick your dick in my ass!")
I named my dummy Peter. I belive Jon named his Klaxor or some such thing. It made us bond with them. I figure the first problem Peter and Klaxor had was the fact that the didnt have any torso or legs. I really dont think CPR is going to do them a lot of good. I feel sorry for Peter and Klaxor, never knowing the touch of a woman and yet having one make out with them all day? It's depressing really.
There are 6 people in this course. Now there is that one person. In this case a lady. Who knows everything about everything. She has taken this course before and feels that she should be teaching it. Due to some horrible miscommunication, she is stuck taking it with the rest of us poor saps.
Maybe it's because she is a woman? (Oooh, wouldn't that get the Feminists panties in a knot). No, that cant be it. The course is being taught be a woman.
Maybe its because she didnt get the job working at this facility.
Oh I know!
It's becasue she is a know-it-all-cunt who really doesnt know shit from chocolate pudding.
Looking at this woman, made my eyes bleed. (Which is unfortunate because we don't learn about bleeding until tomorrow). Listening to her ramble on about how she knows how to do something better than the instructor made me want to jump across the table, grab her hair and shove that damn overhead into her nostril. I know physically it wouldnt fit, but this is my fantasy dammit. I can shove things wherever i want.
I can make some educated guesses about this woman based on only having being in her presence for 8 hours:
-not married (or she USED to be until her husband realized what a cooze she is)
-no kids
-voted biggest suck-up/teachers pet throughout highschool. For God's sakes, she probably got a plaque for it and still displays it 20 years later.
-awful in bed (my only reason for that is her unnessecary habit of telling people how to do it better:
"Here's how you can do it better Harold!" "No, Harold, there's an easier way to suck my clit!" "God, Harold, Let me show you properly how to stick your dick in my ass!")
I named my dummy Peter. I belive Jon named his Klaxor or some such thing. It made us bond with them. I figure the first problem Peter and Klaxor had was the fact that the didnt have any torso or legs. I really dont think CPR is going to do them a lot of good. I feel sorry for Peter and Klaxor, never knowing the touch of a woman and yet having one make out with them all day? It's depressing really.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Theraputic rant
If you are expecting 'funny', dont read this. If you dont give a rats ass about my problems, dont read this. If you have ever done this to someone, bite me. You suck.
Basically I needed to vent and this is a hell of a lot cheaper than an actual therapist.
My recently ex-boyfriend and I have had a rocky 2 year relationship Most of those rocks were thrown by me. I admit this. I put him through hell. But I would like to think I also made him happy at times.
But never, NEVER, during the time we were together did I ever cheat on him or lead him to believe anything was fine when it wasn't.
After a wonderful xmas vacation we had together, we had a fight one weekend. He decided he wasnt happy with me. I am fine with that. (well not fine, but read on). But instead of being respectful (and after 2 years I thought that I would have deserved that), he decided to cheat on me, then dump me, then fuck a girl he works with the exact same night. Not 10 hours after we broke up.
Understandably, I have been devastated by this. I trusted, loved and respected him. I would never be so callous as to replace him with someone else so quickly.
Most of his stuff is still here. I have had several ideas offered to me about what to do with it.
-burn it and mail him the ashes (too cold to be outside for that and dont want the ticket for an unauthorized fire)
-mail all of his stuff to him COD (this one is the most promising but it requires ME topack all of it)
-pack all of his stuff and drive it to his work and dump it off (again, requires me to pack)
-have a yard sale (too damn cold! Why couldnt this have happened in aug?)
-keep it (what the hell do i want with his childhood memories?)
I have decided that since no one in this situation seems to care about respect, that I will be the better person here. I will nicely let him come and retrieve it.
I can only hope that some day he realizes how much he is losing by doing this. Unfortunately in this world, he probably won't.
I can only hope that she will realize that a relationship is not built on 'who wins'. It is just horrible that neither of them thought about the most hurt party in this :my son.
I am left to explain to him that the guy he thought was his best friend will not be in his life anymore.
I went from horrible depression to anger. I have realized that neither of these does me any good. I have accepted the situation and tried to forgive both of them. They do not realize that their actions have affected more than just them. There is a time to be selfish but there is also a time to be patient.
I am left to wonder about myself in this. A lot of soul searching has made me realize that I am the one who wrecked the relationship. But in my defense, I did the best I could at the time. At least I have the cojones to admit when i have done something wrong.
Stupid me, but i still love him. How dumbass does that make me?
Basically I needed to vent and this is a hell of a lot cheaper than an actual therapist.
My recently ex-boyfriend and I have had a rocky 2 year relationship Most of those rocks were thrown by me. I admit this. I put him through hell. But I would like to think I also made him happy at times.
But never, NEVER, during the time we were together did I ever cheat on him or lead him to believe anything was fine when it wasn't.
After a wonderful xmas vacation we had together, we had a fight one weekend. He decided he wasnt happy with me. I am fine with that. (well not fine, but read on). But instead of being respectful (and after 2 years I thought that I would have deserved that), he decided to cheat on me, then dump me, then fuck a girl he works with the exact same night. Not 10 hours after we broke up.
Understandably, I have been devastated by this. I trusted, loved and respected him. I would never be so callous as to replace him with someone else so quickly.
Most of his stuff is still here. I have had several ideas offered to me about what to do with it.
-burn it and mail him the ashes (too cold to be outside for that and dont want the ticket for an unauthorized fire)
-mail all of his stuff to him COD (this one is the most promising but it requires ME topack all of it)
-pack all of his stuff and drive it to his work and dump it off (again, requires me to pack)
-have a yard sale (too damn cold! Why couldnt this have happened in aug?)
-keep it (what the hell do i want with his childhood memories?)
I have decided that since no one in this situation seems to care about respect, that I will be the better person here. I will nicely let him come and retrieve it.
I can only hope that some day he realizes how much he is losing by doing this. Unfortunately in this world, he probably won't.
I can only hope that she will realize that a relationship is not built on 'who wins'. It is just horrible that neither of them thought about the most hurt party in this :my son.
I am left to explain to him that the guy he thought was his best friend will not be in his life anymore.
I went from horrible depression to anger. I have realized that neither of these does me any good. I have accepted the situation and tried to forgive both of them. They do not realize that their actions have affected more than just them. There is a time to be selfish but there is also a time to be patient.
I am left to wonder about myself in this. A lot of soul searching has made me realize that I am the one who wrecked the relationship. But in my defense, I did the best I could at the time. At least I have the cojones to admit when i have done something wrong.
Stupid me, but i still love him. How dumbass does that make me?
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Night out
Where do I start?
The funniest version of an irish dance done by a drunk person?
The weird 6 foot tall female who looked suspiciously like a drag queen but we knew wasn't?
Or how about my friend Merry who provided me with 2 out of the 3 funniest lines I heard all night?
To quote the king "Begin at the beginning and when you come to the end, stop."
Jon and I went to Jake's to watch the hockey game. It was great. Unfortunatley the Sens lost, but not by much. That is not the interesting part to this night at all so we will move on.
We then proceeded to the bar. A lovely Irish pub. We partaked in some alcoholic beverages (some of us more than most....JON! My goodness, my Guinness!).
A friend of Merry's was expected to join us, unfortunately he was not allowed in. Why you ask? Well this answer is one of those funny lines.
"Where's Jimmy?"
Completely seriously the guy beside me says: "Dude! Apparently they wont let you in the bar if you're not wearing any pants!"
Lets note that it is -30 outside with a Wind warning. Jimmy was wearing nothing to cover his meat and potatoes but a pair of boxers.
One of the waitresses is a very pretty girl who Jake is trying to hook up with. Jake is deaf. After quite a number of conversations between the 2 of them, Merry turns to Jake and says:
"Did you get her phone number?"
I laughed so hard I think i saw through time. Merry, looking very confused asked me what was so funny. I reply "Jake is deaf. What the hell good would getting her phone number do?"
Looking very contrite Merry stammers out "Oh God! I'm sorry!"
After a hell of a great time at the bar, i drive Merry and Jon back to Merry's house. (Unbeknownst to me, my purse has fallen out of my car and is lying on the side of the road). During our drive, I turn the heat WAY up. Merry questions this.
"Because my windows are getting all steamy"
"You're steamy!" he yells "BURN!"
"Um, Merry, that is not a burn. In fact that is the exact opposite of a burn. I think you just complimented me."
"Oh"
We arrive and thats when i realize that i have lost my purse. After a moment of panicking i call my cell phone and a lovely gentleman answers it. His name is Casey. He tells me to meet him by his apt downtown. Dundas and Richmond downtown. At 3am. (Nothing good happens at that time downtown. Unless you consider being stabbed a good thing) Jon accompanies me and we arrive. As we wait, a very large, very weird ethnic man approaches my car and asks me if i want to make any money.
I replied in the negative on that one. He asks me again.
I still said no. Thank God, he didn't shoot me.
*side note: I contemplated calling 911 and telling the operator i was being approached by someone who was perpetuating a stereotype. I wonder if that would have worked?
I got my purse, minus my pack of smokes and a tampon, (seriously, the smokes I understand being swiped, but a tampon?????) and drive back to my house.
The End.
Honourable mentions:
-Jake almost crying on the drive home because he had to pee so bad
-The weird mexican kid who carried around a sword for no forseeable reason at Merry's who introduced me to some new slang. "Are you peaceing?" means "Are you leaving?"
-The guy who kept chanting "Leafs Rule!" and the guy who followed him around screaming "NO they don't!!"
I have learned several valuable life lessons with this night. If ever I am stuck for money, I can go downtown at 3am and will make some money. It's always nice to have job oppurtunities. Yelling at the 75 year old man who is playing the guitar at the bar to take off his clothes could make his momma very angry. That woman danced like a ninja. And last but not least, when Merry is drunk he is one of the funniest people I know.
The funniest version of an irish dance done by a drunk person?
The weird 6 foot tall female who looked suspiciously like a drag queen but we knew wasn't?
Or how about my friend Merry who provided me with 2 out of the 3 funniest lines I heard all night?
To quote the king "Begin at the beginning and when you come to the end, stop."
Jon and I went to Jake's to watch the hockey game. It was great. Unfortunatley the Sens lost, but not by much. That is not the interesting part to this night at all so we will move on.
We then proceeded to the bar. A lovely Irish pub. We partaked in some alcoholic beverages (some of us more than most....JON! My goodness, my Guinness!).
A friend of Merry's was expected to join us, unfortunately he was not allowed in. Why you ask? Well this answer is one of those funny lines.
"Where's Jimmy?"
Completely seriously the guy beside me says: "Dude! Apparently they wont let you in the bar if you're not wearing any pants!"
Lets note that it is -30 outside with a Wind warning. Jimmy was wearing nothing to cover his meat and potatoes but a pair of boxers.
One of the waitresses is a very pretty girl who Jake is trying to hook up with. Jake is deaf. After quite a number of conversations between the 2 of them, Merry turns to Jake and says:
"Did you get her phone number?"
I laughed so hard I think i saw through time. Merry, looking very confused asked me what was so funny. I reply "Jake is deaf. What the hell good would getting her phone number do?"
Looking very contrite Merry stammers out "Oh God! I'm sorry!"
After a hell of a great time at the bar, i drive Merry and Jon back to Merry's house. (Unbeknownst to me, my purse has fallen out of my car and is lying on the side of the road). During our drive, I turn the heat WAY up. Merry questions this.
"Because my windows are getting all steamy"
"You're steamy!" he yells "BURN!"
"Um, Merry, that is not a burn. In fact that is the exact opposite of a burn. I think you just complimented me."
"Oh"
We arrive and thats when i realize that i have lost my purse. After a moment of panicking i call my cell phone and a lovely gentleman answers it. His name is Casey. He tells me to meet him by his apt downtown. Dundas and Richmond downtown. At 3am. (Nothing good happens at that time downtown. Unless you consider being stabbed a good thing) Jon accompanies me and we arrive. As we wait, a very large, very weird ethnic man approaches my car and asks me if i want to make any money.
I replied in the negative on that one. He asks me again.
I still said no. Thank God, he didn't shoot me.
*side note: I contemplated calling 911 and telling the operator i was being approached by someone who was perpetuating a stereotype. I wonder if that would have worked?
I got my purse, minus my pack of smokes and a tampon, (seriously, the smokes I understand being swiped, but a tampon?????) and drive back to my house.
The End.
Honourable mentions:
-Jake almost crying on the drive home because he had to pee so bad
-The weird mexican kid who carried around a sword for no forseeable reason at Merry's who introduced me to some new slang. "Are you peaceing?" means "Are you leaving?"
-The guy who kept chanting "Leafs Rule!" and the guy who followed him around screaming "NO they don't!!"
I have learned several valuable life lessons with this night. If ever I am stuck for money, I can go downtown at 3am and will make some money. It's always nice to have job oppurtunities. Yelling at the 75 year old man who is playing the guitar at the bar to take off his clothes could make his momma very angry. That woman danced like a ninja. And last but not least, when Merry is drunk he is one of the funniest people I know.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Out with my Homies
Went to a pretty badass bar a few weeks back. Had my friend Jon, who very nicely drove us there and tried to keep me out of trouble. I am not sure if it worked as I was pretty slammered. Since I did not awaken in jail or with some weird perv in my house, i can only assume he preformed his duties admirably. Met a bouncer.
Everyone is right. If you fuck a bouncer, you get better privledges. Like being able to stay after everyone else and finish my drink at MY pace. And get more drinks after last call.
Surprisingly he is nice and funny. So far. I hold out hope he will get annoyed and freaked out by me like everyone else does. He has that potential.
Lovely Haley was there as our waitress. For anyone who cares, I would totally do nasty dirty things to her if she would let me.
Again with my friend Merry. This guy needs to be an alcoholic! He is way funnier when he's been drinking. (Still love you sober though sweetie).
He decided he just HAD to, would DIE if he didnt, learn how to sign to my deaf friends:
Word up Homie!
Word up Homeslice!
Whats up ni**er?
God, Please grant me the serenity to deal with this boy. Sometimes he is so embarassing and yet i just want to watch him fall in the proverbial poo. I am such a good friend.
Everyone is right. If you fuck a bouncer, you get better privledges. Like being able to stay after everyone else and finish my drink at MY pace. And get more drinks after last call.
Surprisingly he is nice and funny. So far. I hold out hope he will get annoyed and freaked out by me like everyone else does. He has that potential.
Lovely Haley was there as our waitress. For anyone who cares, I would totally do nasty dirty things to her if she would let me.
Again with my friend Merry. This guy needs to be an alcoholic! He is way funnier when he's been drinking. (Still love you sober though sweetie).
He decided he just HAD to, would DIE if he didnt, learn how to sign to my deaf friends:
Word up Homie!
Word up Homeslice!
Whats up ni**er?
God, Please grant me the serenity to deal with this boy. Sometimes he is so embarassing and yet i just want to watch him fall in the proverbial poo. I am such a good friend.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
God Bless Karma
You know what i hate?
Whores
Now i am not talking about those fine ladies who provide a valuable service. I am talking about those stinky little bitches who find it not only okay but somehow ethical to steal other girls' boyfriends/husbands. You know the type. They flirt and makes suggestive little comments designed completely to make the guys' eye wander. And the best part about it is, that guys are so stupid as to how females operate that they dont even notice.
These girls will justify it somehow with a:
"well if he was happy in his relationship, he wouldnt want to cheat"
are you kidding? throw some easy ass in front of the pope's face and he will question his love of God
"If he leaves his girlfriend/wife then I am better than she is"
Really? Do you honestly think that when you die and are at the pearly gates being judged, St. Peter is going to look at you and say "Wow! This conniving, ignorant, unethical girl is way better than anyone else here! Not only do you get in, but you get your own pony!"
It's all a game!
If you can steal a guy away from someone, you have such low self esteem that you have to pump it up by giving yourself the deluded impression that you are wanted by other people. God forbid if you do volunteer work and get the same feeling.
The other type of whore
My poor friend had a girlfriend who thought it would be appropriate, while living together, to go out and have a 3-some with two guys she met the day before. My friend was just her safety net. She honesty thought she would not get caught.
She did and he kicked her ass out of the house faster than Vin Diesel can grease a pig.
Karma: she got knocked up b the next guy she fucked.
All I can say is that these girls will get what is coming to them. They will find that one guy they actually truly love and that guy will be taken away by another member of the whore squad.
I once dated a guy for 4 months. Granted not a long time, but enough time where I was starting to feel secure and content in the relationship. I went over to his house early one morning to take him out for breakfast. I saw a pair of female shoes by the front door and thought "wow, nice shoes". Preceeded to go to his bedroom and open the door. And what do i see?
My boyfriend laying in bed with a girl. Naked.
Well after i stopped my first reaction of stabbing him in the eye with a fork, I casually gathered up all her clothes and her shoes and threw them off of the balcony into the next door neighbours yard. Who has a big dog. I then woke him up. He looked happy to see me for exactly 3 seconds.
Then he broke up with me.
I am not kidding.
he said "i dont think this is working between us. I need some space"
What I did following that gem of a statement is a story for another day.
Karma: he ended up in jail for stealing a car.
I'll take karma wherever i can get it
Whores
Now i am not talking about those fine ladies who provide a valuable service. I am talking about those stinky little bitches who find it not only okay but somehow ethical to steal other girls' boyfriends/husbands. You know the type. They flirt and makes suggestive little comments designed completely to make the guys' eye wander. And the best part about it is, that guys are so stupid as to how females operate that they dont even notice.
These girls will justify it somehow with a:
"well if he was happy in his relationship, he wouldnt want to cheat"
are you kidding? throw some easy ass in front of the pope's face and he will question his love of God
"If he leaves his girlfriend/wife then I am better than she is"
Really? Do you honestly think that when you die and are at the pearly gates being judged, St. Peter is going to look at you and say "Wow! This conniving, ignorant, unethical girl is way better than anyone else here! Not only do you get in, but you get your own pony!"
It's all a game!
If you can steal a guy away from someone, you have such low self esteem that you have to pump it up by giving yourself the deluded impression that you are wanted by other people. God forbid if you do volunteer work and get the same feeling.
The other type of whore
My poor friend had a girlfriend who thought it would be appropriate, while living together, to go out and have a 3-some with two guys she met the day before. My friend was just her safety net. She honesty thought she would not get caught.
She did and he kicked her ass out of the house faster than Vin Diesel can grease a pig.
Karma: she got knocked up b the next guy she fucked.
All I can say is that these girls will get what is coming to them. They will find that one guy they actually truly love and that guy will be taken away by another member of the whore squad.
I once dated a guy for 4 months. Granted not a long time, but enough time where I was starting to feel secure and content in the relationship. I went over to his house early one morning to take him out for breakfast. I saw a pair of female shoes by the front door and thought "wow, nice shoes". Preceeded to go to his bedroom and open the door. And what do i see?
My boyfriend laying in bed with a girl. Naked.
Well after i stopped my first reaction of stabbing him in the eye with a fork, I casually gathered up all her clothes and her shoes and threw them off of the balcony into the next door neighbours yard. Who has a big dog. I then woke him up. He looked happy to see me for exactly 3 seconds.
Then he broke up with me.
I am not kidding.
he said "i dont think this is working between us. I need some space"
What I did following that gem of a statement is a story for another day.
Karma: he ended up in jail for stealing a car.
I'll take karma wherever i can get it
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