Night out

Where do I start?
The funniest version of an irish dance done by a drunk person?
The weird 6 foot tall female who looked suspiciously like a drag queen but we knew wasn't?
Or how about my friend Merry who provided me with 2 out of the 3 funniest lines I heard all night?
To quote the king "Begin at the beginning and when you come to the end, stop."

Jon and I went to Jake's to watch the hockey game. It was great. Unfortunatley the Sens lost, but not by much. That is not the interesting part to this night at all so we will move on.

We then proceeded to the bar. A lovely Irish pub. We partaked in some alcoholic beverages (some of us more than most....JON! My goodness, my Guinness!).
A friend of Merry's was expected to join us, unfortunately he was not allowed in. Why you ask? Well this answer is one of those funny lines.
"Where's Jimmy?"
Completely seriously the guy beside me says: "Dude! Apparently they wont let you in the bar if you're not wearing any pants!"
Lets note that it is -30 outside with a Wind warning. Jimmy was wearing nothing to cover his meat and potatoes but a pair of boxers.

One of the waitresses is a very pretty girl who Jake is trying to hook up with. Jake is deaf. After quite a number of conversations between the 2 of them, Merry turns to Jake and says:
"Did you get her phone number?"
I laughed so hard I think i saw through time. Merry, looking very confused asked me what was so funny. I reply "Jake is deaf. What the hell good would getting her phone number do?"
Looking very contrite Merry stammers out "Oh God! I'm sorry!"

After a hell of a great time at the bar, i drive Merry and Jon back to Merry's house. (Unbeknownst to me, my purse has fallen out of my car and is lying on the side of the road). During our drive, I turn the heat WAY up. Merry questions this.
"Because my windows are getting all steamy"
"You're steamy!" he yells "BURN!"
"Um, Merry, that is not a burn. In fact that is the exact opposite of a burn. I think you just complimented me."
"Oh"

We arrive and thats when i realize that i have lost my purse. After a moment of panicking i call my cell phone and a lovely gentleman answers it. His name is Casey. He tells me to meet him by his apt downtown. Dundas and Richmond downtown. At 3am. (Nothing good happens at that time downtown. Unless you consider being stabbed a good thing) Jon accompanies me and we arrive. As we wait, a very large, very weird ethnic man approaches my car and asks me if i want to make any money.
I replied in the negative on that one. He asks me again.
I still said no. Thank God, he didn't shoot me.
*side note: I contemplated calling 911 and telling the operator i was being approached by someone who was perpetuating a stereotype. I wonder if that would have worked?

I got my purse, minus my pack of smokes and a tampon, (seriously, the smokes I understand being swiped, but a tampon?????) and drive back to my house.
The End.

Honourable mentions:
-Jake almost crying on the drive home because he had to pee so bad
-The weird mexican kid who carried around a sword for no forseeable reason at Merry's who introduced me to some new slang. "Are you peaceing?" means "Are you leaving?"
-The guy who kept chanting "Leafs Rule!" and the guy who followed him around screaming "NO they don't!!"

I have learned several valuable life lessons with this night. If ever I am stuck for money, I can go downtown at 3am and will make some money. It's always nice to have job oppurtunities. Yelling at the 75 year old man who is playing the guitar at the bar to take off his clothes could make his momma very angry. That woman danced like a ninja. And last but not least, when Merry is drunk he is one of the funniest people I know.