This is a rant about the double standard. Gee, what a shock! A female complaining about the double standard! Again, to those i say: "Shut up. Go get your own blog".
I am a 27 year old single female. I have a healthy outlook on sex. Which I mean to say is that I enjoy sex. I find it invigorating and relaxing all at the same time. I do not want sex for attention, validation or any other neurosis. I just plain out enjoy the company of a well mannered man who can appreciate the fun we can have together. Preferably naked.
I do not make it a habit to sleep with every guy i could. I have standards; I have to be attracted to them physically and mentally. I do not sleep with dummies. I do not make it a habit to sleep with guys i just met. (Though in itself, it does have some perks. I am not saying I have never done it, just that it has lost its appeal as i have gotten older). I always use protection and never trust them at their word that 'they are clean'.
I do not sleep with men to make myself feel better. To make myself feel wanted, needed, sexually attractive etc. I do not do it for dares, jokes or money. I do not do it for revenge.
And yet, even after all of this, I am still labelled a slut. How can this be? I don't deserve to have the company of someone unless i am married or at least in a relationship? I cannot have a good time with another consenting adult?
If a woman speaks knowledgably about sex, speaks her mind, is open about what she wants and needs, she is thrown into the same slut pile as those who do it for a drink. I have a friend who says i am 'obssesed' with sex. I have tried to explain to him that perhaps he is mistaken as to the exact meaning of that word. I am not 'obssesed'. I have an interest. It does not rule my life nor does it affect my life. Just because i vocalize when i am attracted to someone, or comment on how a person makes me feel does not mean that sex rules my life. It is an important part of my life. But i do not equate it with food or water. I can live without it.
I also take major offense at people who suggest that because i enjoy sex, it somehow makes me a bad mother. How exactly does this work? My son is not around when any of this happens. I am responsible! When the situation arises, and it does, i will turn down sex becasue my son is at home. Ragradless of the fact he is sleeping and will not even know, I do not feel that it is appropriate at all.
Should we relegate this topic to the closet of "that which must not be named"?
Why is it so difficult to have an adult conversation about sex without people targeting you as a pervert? Or obssesed?
And here is where the double standard comes in. If i was male, would anyone care? Would people look at me like I am bad person? Or a whore?
Not at all. Men are expected to talk about sex. They are the 'alpha', it is part of the historically proven genetic lineage. They need to procreate to prove themselves. (I am not terribly fond of this ideal, but it does hold some merit)
So even in the advanced society of equalities, women are still not allowed to act like they enjoy the act of sex.
We are still judged by the antiquated harlequin romance novel bodice rippers, where if a woman flashed her ankles she was branded a 'harlot'.
I know women who still find it 'disgusting' and 'wrong' that a woman may pleasure herself.
I think we are our own worst enemies. But that is a blog for another day.
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The double standard itself is the cause of many sexually-oriented emotional disorders; the people who cannot handle such knowledge might be adults by age but they act like children when it comes to the subject of sex.
As a male, I enjoy it, too, especially with a woman who can fully enjoy the experience. I've been with women who were a little repressed (most likely due to the double standard) and it leads only to both people feeling frustrated. That really is a shame, too, because that part of life is really enjoyable--it was designed to be.
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