Nonsense at 4 am

So it is the middle of the night and i yet again cannot sleep. I have gotten into the weirdest sleep pattern lately and the end result is me up watching the People's Court at 3:05 am.

It is amazing the types of random thoughts that run through your head when you are alone, bored, lonely and slightly tired.

-Is it possible to be happy alone? Is this all life has to offer? Fleeting moments of happiness interspersed with cloying depresive apathy?

-How many times do I have to play Lotto 649 before I win? And what would i do with the money? I have given much thought to this. Lets say i win $1 000 000 000.
I will buy a car, a house, a cottage. I will donate some to charity. I will buy Jon and Merry cars. I will get Jake a really cool toy for deafies. Like a special stereo that flashes cool lights or something. I would get a pony, just cuz it's cool.
But mostly I would get special cards made up for all the people that have ever pissed me off and inside would put a picture of the things i would have gotten for them if only they weren't such huge douche bags.

-If you had a nose infection, would it not be easier to snort antibiotics?

-Is it better for me to get my cat a friend to play with or get her knocked up? She is very depressed after Cheater McFucknuts took his cat away.

-Will I ever meet a guy who will put up with me?
I know I am difficult to get along with sometimes. But aside from my utter lack of knowledge on how to make coffee, i have some redeeming qualities. I am everything guys claim to like, but in actuality dont really want. I am independant, strong, funny, smart etc. I can crack an egg with one hand and not break the yolk. I can watch a hockey game and know what is going on. I make very nice french toast. I know how to drive a stick shift. I kill my own spiders if they need killing. Or otherwise can give them a stern talking to if thats what is needed. I can origami cranes and frogs, knit a scarf, and tell you all the characters on star wars and star trek.
I like steak rare, very rare. And i would never ask if my lipstick matched my shoes.
So what is wrong?
Why are guys not beating down my door? (Which by the way, I know how to fix as i have my own tools).

So many people have told me to be patient. That one day someone will come along who will be everything i need and want. Well patient doesn give me that many orgasms. Patient doesnt rub my back and slap my ass.

I swear to God, if i ever meet a guy named Patient, that would be very ironic.