The Twinkie Defense

Judge: Miss Mischief you have been charge with the assault of 15 girls. What say you?
M: Well your honour, I choose to use the 'twinkie' defense
Judge: Please explain
M: Your honour, I go to the gym on a regular basis. I would like to put into evidence a picture of the work out clothes I wear. You will notice it is a t-shirt, jogging pants and running shoes. I wear no make up and my hair is in a pony tail
Judge: Get to the point!
M: You honour, I have reached my limit! I go to this gym to try and make myslef healthier and more fit. I put into evidence pictures of what they look like. You wil notice a common theme. They dress like twinkies. Shorty shorts, obviously not comfortable with their ass cheeks hanging out, halter tops with obscene amounts of cleavage, make-up and hairsprayed hair perfectly done for the bar. One can only assume they are at the gym to 'catch a man'.
If I would be allowed to vent for a moment your honour, you will understand my point:
These girls will take up limited gym equipment for lengthy periods of time on the lowest speed available. They do not sweat. They could perhaps use the defense of being aliens with no sweat glands, but I know better. They do not want to mess up their hair or make up. They parade around with bottles of designer water while the rest of us are sweating buckets down our faces. I think I speak for all serious members when i say that they make us feel like crap and we are sick of their prostitute attitudes and colour co-ordinated outfits.
I had to do it your honour. For the good of all of us who are serious at this
Judge: Yes Miss Mischief, but did you have to give them ALL atomic wedgies?
M: I did not give them all atomic wedgies your honour, as some of them weren't even wearing underwear. And the others were wearing g-strings. I did the best I could under the circumstances.
Judge: I see your point. I declare you not guilty in the eyes of the court but still sentence you to go to the Gap and buy better work out clothes. You will never catch a man wearing a t-shirt and jogging pants.