How to amuse yourself with the torment of co-workers

1. Speak slowly and use really big words. Even if you dont know what they mean. In fact, use words incorrectly all the time. It really throws them off.
"I was just ubiquitating, what time were you done today?"
2. Make words up that sound important and use them all the time.
"What were you planning on fortunating tonight?"
3. Disappear for 10 minutes. And when you come back, act like you have been there the whole time.
"I havent been gone! I have been here the whole time! We just talked about your mom' s bday! Gawd!" Then give them a look like they are freaking nuts.
4. Throw fruit containers at them
5. Instead of taking a 30 minute break, take 6 five minute breaks. Or 10 three minute breaks. (Note, it takes me 3 minutes to smoke a cigarette). That seems to work great for me. Even when i explain that i am owed a 30, somehow it still pisses them off. Because it looks like i am trying to get out of work all the time.
6. Always take your 5 minute breaks right when something big or important has to be done.
7. Speak Kling-on
8. Start gossipping/bitching about someone and then right near the end of the rant/story, kinda trail off and get a horrified look on your face. Like you finally realized the person you were gossiping about is the same person you are talking to.
9. Tell them shit about your bosses that is completely untrue. So when they ask, they look stupid. Like its his birthday and he is turning 50. (Especially funny if they are not even 40 yet).
10. Randomly quote things that make no sense to the conversation.
"M, I need you to go to the fridge and get me some apples"
"Your mother was a hamster and your father stunk of elderberrries! Jesus was the most famous Zombie of all! Am I right ladies? Am i right......lay-dees??"
11. Thank you to Jon for this one:
When someone asks you a question you reply with:
"Are you asking random questions again? Where do babies come from?"
12. My boss is in love with this one right now. Constantly telling the other person they are weird things.
"I need a western omelette"
"You're a western omelette"
"Can someone get me a spoon?"
"You're a spoon"
13. Move shit. I dont mean like move it when you are cleaning up or whatever, I mean, if they slightly turn their head, quickly grab whatever was in front of them and move it 2 feet to the right/left.