Job Search #1

Today's journey for a job!

I had a hot chocolate and looked through the London Free Press' classified section. For those of you who are interested, this paper has got to be the most boring city newspaper ever printed on recycled snotrags. No one gets shot or anything here so right off, the front page is full of junk: walkathons, tree trimming, lead in the water etc. BORING.But the classified section more than makes up for this! It is like when a real estate agent tells you the house is a 'fixer-upper', you know in reality the house is probably made out of tin cans and toilet seats.

-$1000 + Weekly !! $1000 + Weekly !! No Exp. req'd. Busy locations hiring adult massage contractors. 18+. $1000 contract bonus- conditions apply.I called this place for a lark. Let's keep in mind I have no experience, no education or no abilities for masseusing. They said I could come in whenever i wanted and if they liked the look of me, I could start asap. You know what the conditions were? I bring my own oils. Now I know i am desparate for a job, but i have a sneaky suspicion that 'masseusing' would not be the major part of this job. Unless the masseusing was on the penis. My momma done raised no fools.

-$3,470 PER MONTH! $3,470 PER MONTH! Simple data entry online. Part time / full time
Really? Holy shit! Thats a lot of money! And i wouldnt have to masseuse anything! What could possibly be wrong with this job? It is too good to be true!You are required to pay a $79.95 (cuz saying $80 sounds more expensive apparently), for the starter kit which will explain to you how EXACTLY you need to go about 'data entry'. Best part is, they send you a list of potential employers. It is up to you to get them to hire you.

-CASH PAID DAILY Busy body rub parlour requires attendants.
oh, there we are again! London must be the sorest damn city in Canada. Or the most relaxed if they actually do go to these places. I guess since our 'free health care system' decided that actual educated masseuses weren't going to be covered under OHIP anymore, this was the next best thing. Plus you can probably find a nice immigrant wife from Russia. I imagine they have those in the back room behind the saloon type doors.

-CLEANERS Needed Part-Time
Cleaning what? I want to know before I call you. Because if it's leftover crime scene mess I am so there. No toilet scrub brushes for me!

-Easy Phone Work Established company is looking for telephone reps to work in a fun environment. Part-time, non-selling positions. No experience necessary. Students welcome. Hourly rate plus bonus
"Hi!" *breathy voice*" My name is Sharese, and I will fulfill your every fantasy. What's your name cowboy?" *sucking sound into phone*

-EVERYDAY is Payday. Door to door canvassers needed. Cash paid daily!
Are we just so lazy that we dont rob banks anymore? We just go door-to-door to do it now?I suppose that is more efficient............

-HOT! HOT! HOT! Fast growing ad firm is expanding. 15 FT positions. Paid trainingThey must be marketing something hot..................like: hookers, salsa, peppers, ovens, irons, bottled sunshine, flamethrowers........

-MATURE person for gas attendant position, weekends
I dont want some 80 year old pumping my gas in the middle of the summer! Bugger might have a heart attack. Then who will pump my gas?

-Start Work at Noon $280-$600.+weekly
Hmmmm. Sounds intriguing. But since this is all they are telling me I am only left assume that it is something illegal. Like lunch break midget wrestling.

-TIRED of just getting by Be your own boss, it's time to dream again
Aaaah yes. I have been wondering when dreaming would pay off. I could go back to my old high school and laugh in the faces of all my teachers who screamed at me for not paying attention during the recounting of the war of 1812. Fascinating stuff really that war.