Those damn raisins' sing a pretty good tune

So I was informed that my old Kitchen Manager, El Douchebag, had quit. I made some wonderful connections while i was working there and they were VERY quick to tell me the juicy gossip surrounding this. My first thought was: "Why couldn't that fucker have done that 2 weeks ago and saved me the embarrassment and aggravation of getting fired?"
My second thought was :" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! El Douchebag couldn't handle it!"
Third: "I believe I shall ask for my job back". So i just came back from meeting with the new super fantastic KM and hopefully will hear back shortly.
*whispers* Apparently......El Douchebag had fluffed his resume slightly, and by slightly i mean the way a prostitute would call herself a Customer service representative. At only 22 years old, I was skeptical at all this experience he claimed to have had running restaurants. The owners, not so much and hired him at a salary that was next to kingly. I guess his LIES caught up with him and he realized he was a poor pathetic little boy just trying to play dress up in a grown up world. I will never get to see him have green apples thrown at his head, but this is frankly just as good. Fucker.

Cheater McFucknuts and his little kitchen whore are not doing very well. *cue evil music and manical laughter* A very good source that works with both of them says that because he is the boss and they live together, she is taking advantage of the situation and being insubordinate all over the place. And making quite the mess too. (In case anyone cares, insubordination is greenish and gooey and is hell to get out of polyester). Cheater McFucknuts is allowing this and it is causing some strife within the ranks. *cue evil finger pyramid and one eyebrow raise*
His mail is still getting delivered here even though i have been making weekly calls to him for the past 6 months to get his gaddamn address changed to:
Cheater McFucknuts
c/o Kitchen Whore
123 Slutastic Road North
Chlamydia ON
A1D H1V*

I believe I will just call all his creditors and tell them his new address but give them his work one. I will be sure to tell them that he IS employed and that is the address I gave them. *cue pinky finger in corner of mouth and another eyebrow raise*

Word had gotten out that I am having a semi-torrid affair with his friend. I wasn't trying overly hard to hide it, but nor was I waving a flag and holding a ticker-tape parade with cheerleaders and elephants to announce it. I have no idea what his reaction was, one can only hope it was.........messy.
I have been trying to make my semi-torrid affair a flown blown torrid for a while now. Unfortunately for me, I picked a guy who is so laid back that short of a tractor running over his foot he really wouldnt get too excited about anything. God love him though, he likes my weirdness. I amuse him.

Jon's ex, Lola Cum-Dumster, had her baby. After Jon kicked her ass out after finding her cheating with none other than Cheater McFucknuts in an orgy involving his other friend, she went running back home and got knocked up by the next guy she could fuck. Damn succubus. She is miserable and has left the baby to be raised by her parents, which could probably be the best damn thing for this kid. Who wants to be raised by a whore?


*Address has been changed to protect the identity of his cat.