Thanks for the flower! It was very purple

i am so hasty. I make rash decisions without thinking them through. The tricky part is I think I think them through, when i actually really don't. I have convinced myself that I have given it as much thought as possible, when all i really did was make my damn decision and then rationalize it to death.

I decided that i was miserable, which frankly i was, and rather than give it another week to see if it would get better, i went to my boss in a moment of unbelievable annoyance at someone and said I wanted to go home from this fucking province.
Well shit on me, but I kinda wish I hadn't of done that.

First because I got screwed with the flight home. I didnt fulfill my contract so i have to pay for everything now. And because there is a super hot guy (looks great in greasy oily dirt. Like a porno movie. "Here, let me take your dirty clothes and wash them. Oh, you are not wearing any underwear? I'll take care of that!" bow-chicka-bow-bow) who might actually think I am not a repulsive horrific creature. In fact I have a sneaky suspicion he thinks I am groovy. (which i so totally am)
Oh! He gave me a flower.
I am willing to ignore the fact that I demanded he get me flowers. Since this is the first time in my entire freaking life anyone had gotten me flowers, I dont care that I made him do it.

What happened to my last torrid (ok fine! It was never torrid) affair? Well he still totally digs me (and who can blame him? I am better than ice cream), but keeps stating how he doesnt want a relationship.
I never said I wanted one. In fact I am pretty okay without one. But to have someone constantly reminding you they dont want one gets very annoying. Like having a pencil jambed into your ear annoying. I love being reminded I m not good enough to have a relationship with. Makes me feel all warm and gooey and shit. Like those butterflies vomitting chocolate hearts came back to visit my stomach.

If for some weird reason I manage not to have a psychotic breakdown on the tincan airplane, I just might come back to do this godawful job again in a few weeks.