8 am and feeling fine or Reasons Why I hate romance novels

Lord only knows why, but I cannot sleep past 8 am for the life of me. I am sure there is something terribly Freudian about this, but as that gentleman is dead, I shall be ignorant of the reason.
So instead, I will go for a nap around 11am and if anyone happens to call (assuming my phone is fixed by then), I look like a lazy ass. My title lies. I do not 'feel fine'. I feel......twitchy. I feel like there is something important I should be doing but either cannot remember what it is due to my now advanced age, or I have somehow subconsciously made myself allergic to doing important things.
I have been reading a lot lately as I have said before. But because I have been broke, I have been re-hashing all of my old books, of which there are many. Mostly romance novels.
Which is the worst thing for me to be reading at this point in my pathetically lonely life.

Reasons why i hate romance novels

1. The make me feel old. Most of these damn things are set in the 1800's. A woman of my age back then was considered an old maid. Not worthy of marriage. All of the gentleman are my age, but the ladies are 'just coming out' 18-22. Even 22 is considered borderline scandolous. Piss on women's lib. Yes, I feel old because i have no propects of marrriage at my age! Or a dowry to tempt a man. Unless you call my broken phone and dvd players, my psychotic cat, hyperactive son, and 10 year old microwave adequate dowry. With this i could get a Jerry Springer-esque man. "Ooooooh! You can cook the food in this here box like magic?"

2. The women let the men walk allllllllll over her. This includes the modern romance novels. The women will slap a man across the face, threaten to scream, insult him, throw shit at him and state very firmly that she wants nothing to do with him. And yet the man takes this to mean she needs more convincing. Or a tongue thrusting it's honey like taste into her mouth shooting pangs of desire through her soul. And then! She melts! Proving one again that women have no idea what they want and deserve to have men walk allllllll over them.

3. No gays. What? These guys/gals dont have romances too? There were not gay pirates with throbbing shafts of desire? No cowboys with swollen members of heated passion? I am sure there are just as many lesbians out there who are indecisive and will let another lesbian walk allllllllll over them. Or how about some nice bi-sexual action? Everyone knows one of a hetero man's best fantasies is 2 women. I have yet to see/hear about this even being suggested. Statistically speaking, one of these guys had to of prsssured his wife/mistress into a menage a trois.

4.Did i mention they make me feel old?

5. These ladies are always exceptioanl beauties. How is that suposed to make me feel? The average run of the mill beauty? I dont have eyes the colour of violets, or hair that shimmers like gold. I have green eyes that I use to see things, and hair that keeps my head warm. Thats about the extent of that.

6. I will never ever ever meet a guy like this. One that fills me with a rising passion that overwhelms me. These freaking books have given me an unrealistic idea of what to expect in a relationship. I certainly don't expect a guy to whip out a pirate patch and call me wench, but I do sort of, maybe just a little, really desparately want a guy to grab me and bend me over and ....*cough* rub my neck. My neck does get sore. *looks around innocently*


*Matty has decided to forgo Facebook for a month. I hope he is lying. I miss him already. He makes me feel happy. And for a gay guy, I feel oddly sexy talking to him. I am sure Freud would have something to say about that.

*I think Matty has become my token gay friend now! This is very exciting for a girl from the stix.