My penis is bigger than your penis!

Its a bright and beautiful Wednesday morning. The second day of school. I am almost positive I will be playing hooky again today. Since I am in a first year program a lot of the first week of school is getting the wee puppies aka 18 year olds, acclimated to a new regime of educational system. Bathrooms on the left and no you do not have to raise your hand if you need to piss.

I drop my son off at the bus stop and i did my good deed for the day. Saw some new people waiting at the wrong spot and let them know. So I am free to be a bitch today. Karma will balance it for me.

I go to my car, my white car, to drive to the store. And what do i see? But a tonne of brown shit all over the roof and down the driver's side window. I had stupidly parked underneath a tree and the squirrels did an Elvis all over my car.

After returning, I stopped to talk with a friend. A brand-new, HUGE (are there any other kind) Hummer, bright yellow! comes rumbling up the parking lot. If there is any bigger display of ostentatious pseudo-power, I have yet to see it. In order to turn around the Hummer, he drives up, UP mind you, onto the curb, onto the grass and backs around.
I was suitably impressed.
Until I realized that this douchebag is driving a Hummer in the city. This is probably the most off-roading this machine will do while it is spewing toxic fumes into an already crappy city atmosphere. God forbid if he actually take sit out into the wilderness, he might scratch the paintjob. Did i mention it was bright yellow? So you can not possibly miss it as it is barreling towards you? Playing on its super powerful speakers Aerosmith? Showing the world what a cool-cat owner it has?

"Ha ha! I am better than you! I can afford the $80 in gas a day! I am a rich and powerful man! All hail the wonderfulness that is me and my gigantic penis! I must have one, for I drive a Hummer! Ladies! Step up and regard the enormity that is my cock! Suck it if you will. But you may have a hard time! As it is mighty like my Hummer!"