What the fuck is this? Paris Hilton does NOT have scraggly brown/black hair. I do not remember her having a mole on her face. And I can only assume the reference to Fresno is an inside joke. Which is such a good idea for a nationally syndicated comic strip, only 4 people getting it.

I can only think that perhaps that is actually Enrique Iglesias in drag.

questions

What does it mean, when in an argument, if the other person calls you by their ex wife's name?

Why do people drive so goddamed slow and if you want to pass them they either speed up or move over so it is too difficult to pass?

Why do people say "what?" after you say something and when you go to repeat it, they interrupt as if they heard in the first place?

Why is it when you need something and you call everyone you know looking for it, they have always already lent it to someone else?

Where is this pot of gold? Cuz I'll be damned if i chase the end of another freaking rainbow.

How does that guy i saw on jerry springer survive? he was born with no body from the belly button down. How does he poop? Or as Jon says "have a BM?"

Things I am Racist/Bigoted about #1

-green apples for reasons i have already bitched about

-overly perfumed people

-people who use those damn walker things that are so fat and/or injured that they need them and take up so much time getting on the bus that it makes everyone very late but yet will WALK up to the bus driver to ask for a 'special' place to get dropped off at because they have a walker thing. I shit you not this has happened more times than i care to count. They spend 20 freaking minutes manouvering their walker/ scooter things onto the bus and then will get up and stroll over to the driver. Screw you! If you can walk on a MOVING bus to talk to the driver, you could have gotten off the scooter thing when the bus wasn't moving and it would have gone much quicker.

-Rogers cable. Bastards.

-People who say "You know what I mean?" as an affectation. I either DO know what you mean since you just told me or i am ignoring you because i find that so annoying that i want to punch you in the eye. Either way, I probably dont care.

-Ex-smokers. Stop over-reacting if i smoke near you. I am not blowing it in your face. You dont need to start waving your hands around to get rid of the invisible smoke, making faces at the smell or exaggerate coughing. 2 weeks ago you were sucking them back yourself like a vietnamese prostitute giving a blwojob.
You do not need to start preaching about the dangers of it. Listing ever single ingrdient in them to scare me or tell me horror stories about people you know who died from cancer. I bet if i pushed you in front of a car that would be just as dangerous. Or shoved a banana up your ass. I bet that would shut you up. Funny, non smokers, as in people who never have smoked, do not do this.

*sigh* no one listens to me

I just bitched about this
Didn't i JUST complain about this

Goddamn, nothing is more annoying and yet somehow comforting when i gripe about something and that very thing happens fairly soon after. I say comforting because it reinforces my point in the first place. I like being validated.

I had to take a very interesting (you cant see my face, but it has a sarcastic look on it) course for my job today. Safe Food Handling. Quick recap of what it is for those of you who are horribly ignorant:
-Dont be a douchebag and put raw meat by your vegetables
-Keep food off the floor so it doesnt go bad and critters dont get to it
-Keep cleaning products away from food (Funny story about the cleaning product thing. I assumed that everyone knew about the whole "Dont mix ammonia and bleach together and dont use those two products at the same time when you are in a closed room". I was wrong. I had to explain to a woman, 45, why that is such a super bad idea that it trumps all other bad ideas you could ever possibly have.)
-Proper temperatures for shit

I thought mst of this stuff was common sense. man, I am so worng sometimes that it scares me. I know most of the population is so totally retarded as to make the movie 'Idiocracy' look plausible, but i hold out hope that just once i will meet someone with more brains than God gave a fruit fly.

I digress.

This 'lady', and i use the term loosely as i fail to see how any woman in the year of our Lord 2007 could be a 'lady' with a mullet, sat down beside me and my nose immediately started to leak and my eyes burn. Reason?

PERFUME! I came up with some reasons as to why she could have that much on. They are:

-she is a fan of 1800 romance novels and doesn't believe in bathing but in spraying herself in perfume to cover up her stench
-she ran into a skunk on the way to the class but didnt have time to shower again and decided that perfume would be a great way to fool everyone
-ran out of deoderant and this was the quickest solution
-went shopping in the mall and got attacked by one of those 'perfume spritzer nazis'
-she got a magazine that had free samples in it and decided to try them out. Nothing says sexy like rubbing a piece of cardboard on your neck
-she thinks she smells good

Here's the kicker. I am not even allergic or sensitive to scents. But she had so much on and it smelled so freaking bad that I and the teacher both reacted the same way. I would have said something, but i have learned that it is futile. It reminds me of those super duper fat people who wear spandex (*note: only 1% of the population looks good in spandex and they all live in some mansion i have read about with bunnies. I have always wanted to see a mansion over run with bunnies. I think it would be cute if not grossly smelly).
They walk around like they think they look good but no one wants to say anything for fear of looking like a bigot.

I did not want this lady to think i was racist against peoples wearing mullets.

Though I will admit that I have now added that to my list of things i am racist about. I believe I shall have a separate post for that.

*A very Happy birthday to my friend Jon! I hope that being 25 brings him nothing but sunshine, lollipops and rainbows all covered in beer.

Oh yeah baby!

Got a very weird job that involves me being surrounded by a bunch of sweaty men, being bitten by black flies, and stuck in the middle of a forgettable province with a great-named capital city.

What is.......cooking for a geological expedition in northern saskatchewan for $600!

You would be correct if that was your answer, though i highly doubt it was.

I leave in 10 days and i will be gone for 6 weeks. So no blogging for awhile. *sigh* I know you shall all miss me.

Anyway, onto a very amusing conversation i had with my new guy. He attended a stag party this past saturday. It involved a bunch of guys playing paintball and then off to the strippers.

Well, my guy S, is used to strip joints where you keep your hands at your sides and you DO NOT touch the girls for fear of being made into one yourself by one of the many bouncer overlords watching. This place is different. Not only are you allowed to touch the girls during a lapdance but it is actually encouraged. God Bless Women's Lib!

Anyway, S said he missed me and kinda wished I was there as I am a pretty groovy chick. However alas, I was not (much to my dismay) and he decided to getnot one, but TWO lapdances by a stripper that apparently looked very much like me. S said this with a very earnest look on his face as if i was supposed to be complimented by his desire to remember me when in the face of bobby-peril.
I was torn between "Aw! Thats so sweet!" and "Wow. That is the creepiest thing i have ever heard". For the sake of our blossoming relationship, i decided to go with 'sweet'. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her titties, which i am happy to say are smaller than mine according to S. That makes me smile as I have always felt slightly underappreciated in that department. I blame the media.

After the second dance she asked him if he wanted to have some fun. He then perked up from his rye and ginger induced coma and proceeded to grill her. AS he has never encountered a prostitute before, this was fairly thrilling for him. I cannot blame him and it is one of the reaosns i like him so much. I woul dhave reacted in much the same way.

$100 for the room and $300 for the night. (She said she was worth it)
$200 if he wanted to orally make her happy
He did not inquire as to a blowjob.
See? This is why i like him too! He was more interested in her pleasure, even if she is a syphillis ridden mutant swamp donkey.

I aske dhim if he partaked in her 'bucket 'o' fun' and he said no. For 2 reasons:
1) He is with me! (Every girl reading this can sigh now)
and
2) He did not want to embarrass himself by showing off his body. Keep in mind he had gone paintballing with a bunch of drunken morons and he is undressing in front of me as he is saying this.
"M! Seriously! Look at these welts! Arent they gross? I would be way too ashamed to get naked in front of a stripper with these all over me! I mean, just look at this one! It's huge!"
I say nothing and let my expression do the implying.
"Oh shit. Um.....are you mad? Do you want a pudding? Or a drink?"
I couldnt control myself any longer. I burst out laughing and say that i am so happy that I was not important enough to worry about showing off his gross welts to. That a skeezy, slimy, moldy hooker should give him more concern than me.
That perhaps I am giving my milk away to freely (after all, dont we all look upon something offered as 'free' with a bit of distrust? Like "What could be wrong with it that it's free?). Perhaps i should be charging him also! I do not know if i am worth $300, she probably does weird german/japanese things i have never even heard about. She is a professional! She gets the quarterly magazine with all the tricks of the trade in it. I am just a poor sap who has been letting someone milk me for nothing.

Its really no wonder why I am such an awful business woman.

My kid had a dream

At 3 am, my son came crawling into bed with me saying he had just had a bad dream. He was a little teary about it so of course I said sure.
This morning after waking him up to get ready for school, I asked him what was the dream about. This is what he told me. Keep in mind he is 6.

I was playing with my 2 friends Joe and Pete at my Nana's. There was a sign saying not to go into the forest. It said "Keep out! Elves!"
And then I looked over and all these spears started to come out of the sandbox. Like 50. And then a bunch of elves came out of the sandbox too. They grew out of it like trees. They had funny red and green hair.
They were mean and scary elves and tried to kill everyone. But then the Navy and the Army showed up and there was a big battle. The Navy and the Army killed most of the elves bt there was one left. There was a HUGE battle with the last elf and then he died. But when he died then a million more came out of the sandbox again. The Navy and Army guys started to cry and I was really scared.

Freud would have a field day with this. The elves represent his anger at his height. The army and navy represent his love of me, the authority figure. The spears are of course a phallic symbol.

I just think my kid is weird. Screw Freud.

Insomnia part #3

I have read a book.
I have watched tv
I have done special things to special places on myself
I have eaten some honey
I have drank warm milk. (Which promptly made me gag and lose any sleepy i was feeling)
I did some dishes
I played with the kittens
I had a cigarette (screw you, some people KNOW its bad for you and still do it. I am one of those people. Its the only vice i gots, let me enjoy it *cough hack cough*)

For some odd reason, goldfish crackers bother me. They are just so damn round. Its not that I dont enjoy round things, but something about these crackers weirds me out. Maybe its because they are orange and round. I have never felt a connection to the colour orange.

Onion rings that are bigger than 7 cm diameter. These freak me out. I refuse to eat them. And by association, those steroidal carrots that chinese food places use. Yeah, Yeah, I know it's all in the slant they cut them on. But something just says to me :Holy Fuck! There is something unnatural about huge carrots and onion rings! This is not normal! I am eating hormones!
If my tits got bigger from these hormones, I would probably change my mind about them. But so far...nothing.

People who use too much perfume to the point where after they leave, the elevator still reeks of it. Has anyone not told them that they are wearing too much? I know I have. Come to think about it, whenever I have made a comment to someone about the overly excessive amount of whore juice on them, they laugh and shrug it off. Like my olfactory sense is on a labour strike and i must be mistaken. My watering eyes and coughing/gagging are not good enough clues for them. Perhaps this is a mystery for Scooby-Doo and the Mystery Van.

Enough with the freaking chain emails! If you want to send me a chain letter, stop being so fucking lazy and cheap and mail one the regular way! I would probably do it if I got one. There is more effort involved. Clicking the 'forward' button only excercises my index finger. An actual chain letter excercises me hands, fingers and tongue. Though I have no complaints about my tongue being out of shape, one doesnt want to wait until it gets that bad that a complaint is necessary.

See perfume people? By the time i complain to you, the damage has been done! you have killed the little person inside me that wanted to be nice to you. Now i want to treat you like shit. Cuz you ignored me and you smell like it.

Being mean to kids is funny

So I am horribly addicted to America's Got Talent. I cannot possibly express the joy I get from watching a bunch of Yanks making asses out of themsleves for a slim chance at winning a million dollars. Short of a few people on a forum I visit, I find most Yanks to be a pain in the ass. Example: I used to live in Windsor. If any Yanks are reading this and even question where Windsor is, you just totally made my point here.
Anyway, I would go to the bars along Oullette Street as they happened to be closer to my house. I would run into many Americans who felt the need to start questioning Canadian "things" that they never understood.
-Why do we call a case of 24 beer a two-four/two-fer?
-Where is all the snow? (mid-august)
-Where can they go to see some eskimos?
One lovely gentleman was in college for french, and i have to say, my 6 year old speaks better french than this guy. He meant to tell me he was hot (temperature wise) but actually said he was horny.

I digress.

The english guy on the show has no problem telling little kids that they suck. And good for him. Because frankly, most of the time they do. I am a parent, but i have to say, at no point would i ever encourage my child to do something he sucks at. Nor convince myself he is great at it when he isnt.
All of these people applauding kids for doing medicore crap are just setting them up for real embarassment later on. These kids will grow up and go on American Idol and be horribly shocked when they are told that they blow donkey ass.
"But my family tells me I am great!"
Well sweetie, your family is retarded. You are not great. Not even a little. But right on! You just made a huge fool out of yourself on national television!
Is it technically your fault? Nope. It is your parents fault for trying to turn you into Britney Spears so they can live off your profits.

I like it when the english guy tells a kid they suck. The kid gets all teary eyed and started sniffing. I think, better now when you are 6 then 20 and having wasted a whackload of money on lessons.

Those damn raisins' sing a pretty good tune

So I was informed that my old Kitchen Manager, El Douchebag, had quit. I made some wonderful connections while i was working there and they were VERY quick to tell me the juicy gossip surrounding this. My first thought was: "Why couldn't that fucker have done that 2 weeks ago and saved me the embarrassment and aggravation of getting fired?"
My second thought was :" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! El Douchebag couldn't handle it!"
Third: "I believe I shall ask for my job back". So i just came back from meeting with the new super fantastic KM and hopefully will hear back shortly.
*whispers* Apparently......El Douchebag had fluffed his resume slightly, and by slightly i mean the way a prostitute would call herself a Customer service representative. At only 22 years old, I was skeptical at all this experience he claimed to have had running restaurants. The owners, not so much and hired him at a salary that was next to kingly. I guess his LIES caught up with him and he realized he was a poor pathetic little boy just trying to play dress up in a grown up world. I will never get to see him have green apples thrown at his head, but this is frankly just as good. Fucker.

Cheater McFucknuts and his little kitchen whore are not doing very well. *cue evil music and manical laughter* A very good source that works with both of them says that because he is the boss and they live together, she is taking advantage of the situation and being insubordinate all over the place. And making quite the mess too. (In case anyone cares, insubordination is greenish and gooey and is hell to get out of polyester). Cheater McFucknuts is allowing this and it is causing some strife within the ranks. *cue evil finger pyramid and one eyebrow raise*
His mail is still getting delivered here even though i have been making weekly calls to him for the past 6 months to get his gaddamn address changed to:
Cheater McFucknuts
c/o Kitchen Whore
123 Slutastic Road North
Chlamydia ON
A1D H1V*

I believe I will just call all his creditors and tell them his new address but give them his work one. I will be sure to tell them that he IS employed and that is the address I gave them. *cue pinky finger in corner of mouth and another eyebrow raise*

Word had gotten out that I am having a semi-torrid affair with his friend. I wasn't trying overly hard to hide it, but nor was I waving a flag and holding a ticker-tape parade with cheerleaders and elephants to announce it. I have no idea what his reaction was, one can only hope it was.........messy.
I have been trying to make my semi-torrid affair a flown blown torrid for a while now. Unfortunately for me, I picked a guy who is so laid back that short of a tractor running over his foot he really wouldnt get too excited about anything. God love him though, he likes my weirdness. I amuse him.

Jon's ex, Lola Cum-Dumster, had her baby. After Jon kicked her ass out after finding her cheating with none other than Cheater McFucknuts in an orgy involving his other friend, she went running back home and got knocked up by the next guy she could fuck. Damn succubus. She is miserable and has left the baby to be raised by her parents, which could probably be the best damn thing for this kid. Who wants to be raised by a whore?


*Address has been changed to protect the identity of his cat.

Job Search #1

Today's journey for a job!

I had a hot chocolate and looked through the London Free Press' classified section. For those of you who are interested, this paper has got to be the most boring city newspaper ever printed on recycled snotrags. No one gets shot or anything here so right off, the front page is full of junk: walkathons, tree trimming, lead in the water etc. BORING.But the classified section more than makes up for this! It is like when a real estate agent tells you the house is a 'fixer-upper', you know in reality the house is probably made out of tin cans and toilet seats.

-$1000 + Weekly !! $1000 + Weekly !! No Exp. req'd. Busy locations hiring adult massage contractors. 18+. $1000 contract bonus- conditions apply.I called this place for a lark. Let's keep in mind I have no experience, no education or no abilities for masseusing. They said I could come in whenever i wanted and if they liked the look of me, I could start asap. You know what the conditions were? I bring my own oils. Now I know i am desparate for a job, but i have a sneaky suspicion that 'masseusing' would not be the major part of this job. Unless the masseusing was on the penis. My momma done raised no fools.

-$3,470 PER MONTH! $3,470 PER MONTH! Simple data entry online. Part time / full time
Really? Holy shit! Thats a lot of money! And i wouldnt have to masseuse anything! What could possibly be wrong with this job? It is too good to be true!You are required to pay a $79.95 (cuz saying $80 sounds more expensive apparently), for the starter kit which will explain to you how EXACTLY you need to go about 'data entry'. Best part is, they send you a list of potential employers. It is up to you to get them to hire you.

-CASH PAID DAILY Busy body rub parlour requires attendants.
oh, there we are again! London must be the sorest damn city in Canada. Or the most relaxed if they actually do go to these places. I guess since our 'free health care system' decided that actual educated masseuses weren't going to be covered under OHIP anymore, this was the next best thing. Plus you can probably find a nice immigrant wife from Russia. I imagine they have those in the back room behind the saloon type doors.

-CLEANERS Needed Part-Time
Cleaning what? I want to know before I call you. Because if it's leftover crime scene mess I am so there. No toilet scrub brushes for me!

-Easy Phone Work Established company is looking for telephone reps to work in a fun environment. Part-time, non-selling positions. No experience necessary. Students welcome. Hourly rate plus bonus
"Hi!" *breathy voice*" My name is Sharese, and I will fulfill your every fantasy. What's your name cowboy?" *sucking sound into phone*

-EVERYDAY is Payday. Door to door canvassers needed. Cash paid daily!
Are we just so lazy that we dont rob banks anymore? We just go door-to-door to do it now?I suppose that is more efficient............

-HOT! HOT! HOT! Fast growing ad firm is expanding. 15 FT positions. Paid trainingThey must be marketing something hot..................like: hookers, salsa, peppers, ovens, irons, bottled sunshine, flamethrowers........

-MATURE person for gas attendant position, weekends
I dont want some 80 year old pumping my gas in the middle of the summer! Bugger might have a heart attack. Then who will pump my gas?

-Start Work at Noon $280-$600.+weekly
Hmmmm. Sounds intriguing. But since this is all they are telling me I am only left assume that it is something illegal. Like lunch break midget wrestling.

-TIRED of just getting by Be your own boss, it's time to dream again
Aaaah yes. I have been wondering when dreaming would pay off. I could go back to my old high school and laugh in the faces of all my teachers who screamed at me for not paying attention during the recounting of the war of 1812. Fascinating stuff really that war.

Insomnia rant #2

So here it is at 1:42 in the freaking morning. I have napped all day because it was hot and i was bored, so now i must pay for it. I have laid (or is it lied?) in bed for the past 3 hours trying to sleep. Normally in these situations i have little scenarios i play in my mind. I am a chronic insomniac so it has become almost ritualistic. Like killing a goat but less messy.
So many things have occured to me during this time of introspection:

-I am 28 yrs old and alone. I have no prospects for any relationship in the forseeable future and if history holds true, even if i did, i would somehow manage to mess them up. Its either genetic or a god given talent. Too bad I cant put that on a resume.

-Cheater McFucknuts left me 5 months ago. It still kinda feels like yesterday. Without te crying and the immense amount of snot caked tissues lying (or is it laying?) around.

-He has been with his new twinkie for 5 months also. And here I am typing away on a half rate laptop wondering when the fuck will i get to sleep. I have heard many of my wonderful friends (Brooke, Jon, Jen, you guys are awesome) telling me that this relationship of his could not possibly be healthy and will eventually blow up in his face. One can only hope it rips off his eyebrows. But I have my suspicions that it will work out for them. I mean, she is a whore and he is co-dependant. If Pretty Woman taught us nothing it was that whores and co dependancy make for a greta movie. Since we didnt get to see the aftermath of that relationship, i can only guess that it went well.

-my ceiling has a lot of cracks in it

-all the skin is peeling off my hands from my brief interval at Cora's. It is tres sexy.

-I am really freaking tired. And depressed. It seems i am always depressed right now. I was griping to Jon earlier that this year ha snot been a good one for me and i cannot think of a single great thing that has happened for or to me in the past 6 months. He said "well at leats it hasnt gotten worse". Which is true, but dammit! I need something good to happen soon.

-I bought a lotto 6/49 ticket. I imagined what i would do with the earnings again.

-why is it i can never find tape in this house except on the bottom of my sock/foot?

- it is too hot to be this contemplative.

Nostalgia

Since the sun is a ball of fire
And the moon is proportedly made out of cheese (green at that)
Would that not be one hell of a great fondue party?


I am going back home for the weekend. I cannot possibly express how damn excited I am about this. London has been so disgustingly hot that if Jesus' grandmother were alive, she would be wearing a thong bikini.
It doesnt help that my entire road is under construction so there is dust everywhere.

-Has anyone actually played the correct rules for monopoly? Anyone?

-I miss hungry hungry hippos. It was during a time when little girls were unconcerned about their weight. It encouraged the bingeing and purging of marbles. If we learn and are influenced so much from tv/radio/games as children, how has marble bulimia not caught on?

-Clue was fun. You got told whether or not you killed someone and then everyone tried to figure out who was the sociopath who hung Mrs. Scarlett in the library. I mean, aside from being a bordello matron, what did she ever do? The ages suggested for this game is like 8+. I was told during my Liberal Arts enlightenment that this is a time where morals are formed and crap. Being labelled not only a psychotic killer but also trying to elude the punishment for a horrific crime could not possibly be good for gentle minds. Screw Marilyn Manson, I blame Parker Brothers.

-Battleship is basically Nazi Germany in your livingroom. I am bored. I believe i shall try to sink as many warships and their passengers as possible. Their wives will get compensation! And their children will grow up to be afraid of water, snappy white suits and the HMS Pinafore. (which has got to be the most catchy and the most annoying musical about incest and shipping i have ever seen)

-snakes and ladders. My kid is, in grade one, being taught how to follow directions (north south etc.). Snakes and ladders does not help him with this as there seems to be no point to this game with where you are supposed to go. It also gives him the impression that snakes are a handy and efficient way to lower himself down to something. If this was such a great idea, how come firefighters use poles? Why dont they just use a damn snake?

-Candyland! Oh this game is fun! If it didnt make me so freaking hungry that i would binge myself on chocolate, candy, marshmallows and such, I could ignore the fact that it also encourages major caloric and trans fat intake. But it is so colourful! And *drool* full of sugary goodness........... Candyland was invented by dentists. The conspiracy will come out eventually.



*side note: My lovely and available friend jon has nicely turned me onto the definition of self actualization.
http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_actualization

It blathers on about psychology. In short it means to be cool with yourself. Like the Fonz. Isnt my explanation much easier to understand?

Grissom is on crack

Self -actualization

Does anyone really know what the fuck this means? I mean really?

Grissom, in all his meta-physical wisdom, used this phrase on tonight's episode. I am not an unintelligent girl. Far from it. But 90% of the time, I have no freaking clue what this douchebag is talking about. He randomly quotes crap and no one gets it. They stare at him like one of those bugs he obviously wants to have carnal sex with. And yet he self-actualization-ly persists in trying to prove how large his penis is by showing everyone up. Come on Grissom! I want to see more of Nick! Stop blathering on like I care about what you have to say.

And for that matter....what the Jumping Baby Jesus is up with the writers on this show? I am not a CSI nor do i play one on tv. But i do know that in REAL life, no one does all the crap they seem to do. There is ONE guy to do DNA, ONE guy to do prints, etc. They do not all do all of it.

And what the hell was up with that episode where they got an ear print, AN EAR PRINT from a sliding glass door and matched it to a suspect? Is this a viable piece of forensic science I have been ignorant about? Has this been used so frequently in mainstream crime-fighting that the writers thought "Holy shit! How have we not used the EAR PRINT yet?" Do the police now take finger AND ear prints when suspects (or 'dirtbags' as they like to say on Dragnet) are arrested?
I think i want to see what happens when you try to get that damn ink off your ears. Those things are tricky being all foldy and shit. What if you missed some of the ink in a crevice there and your 'ho' was licking your ear after a hard day of walking the streets and accidentaly licked some? Is it poisonous? Could you then sue the police department for killing your income source aka Delicious D?

In my ranting i seem to have lost all aspects of coherency. I apologize. My lack of self-actualization apparently has affected my vocabulary when talking about how DISGUSTED I am at the writers of this freaking show for thinking I am a MORON and will swallow this load of horse crap.

Don't watch it you say?
When you see midget wrestling, even though you know its wrong and it makes you vomit a little in your mouth, do you turn away? I thought not. Sometimes, you just need to watch crappy tv to remind yourself how important it is to self-actualize.

New things

-I got fired from my job at Cora's. I was pretty sick and my boss wouldnt let me go home. I told him that was freaking bullshit and he fired me. One can only hope there is a special place in hell for people like him. Like he has to stand in line at the MTO behind some really obese smelly man. Or have green apples thrown at his head for eternity. Something horrible.

-My cat had kittens. They are cute-ish. Like any new born animal they look somewhat alien like and dont do much but sleep and eat. I did learn something gross and funny. Kittens dont pee or poo for the first 3 weeks. The momma cat licks any excrement off of them. I thrill in not telling people that and watch them get kisses from Gizmo (mommy). It amuses me.

- I have been carrying on a torrid affair with one of Cheater McFucknuts close friends. I say torrid, even though it really isn't. I just wanted to do something torrid in my life. Perhaps I shall try to make this affair torrid by telling him i was a guy once and just had surgery. He will be shocked but he is so in love with me it will not matter. Then we can go on the Dr. Keith Alba show and discuss our feelings. And have our respective ex's there as well. They will be shocked and hurt. Chairs will fly, someone will get a makeover...it will be torrid.

-Speaking of Dr. Keith Alba, has anyone actually watched his show? I do for weird reaosns. He is so fake, so condescendingly saccharine that it is unbelievable to me that people take his attention for actual interest. If he didnt have his psychology degree he would be very much like Maury Povich.

-I found out that at my last job (the techy one) a rumour is going around that I slept with one of the Installer guys. I find this amusing as I have never even met the guy. I suppose we could have slept together, if his penis is so large that it spans across space and time. I mean, he seems nice over the phone, but i dont get that "My dick is so huge that I culd fuck someone 100 kms away without actually meeting them" vibe. I have been wrong in the past though. Watch me get pregnant from that. Now THAT would be a damn good Maury Povich show.