Why doesn't everyone leave poor britney spears alone?
So she got all weird and shaved her head! Who hasn't done that after a night of drinking and a dare by your best friend that you could not possibly look good bald? With you replying "I look good with any haircut!" And then you wake up and realize that no, you do not look good bald, but what a great learning experience.
Who hasn't attacked their ex's car with an umbrella? She could have cut off his penis like one infamous lady did. Keep it in perspective!
And I know that everyone (don't lie) has attacked some papparazi and blamed it on a movie role. It's reminds me of the time I ran naked down the street shouting "The sky is falling!". I was trying to find my motivation for the acting job i would have to do pretending I liked my boyfriend's mother right before a family dinner.
And seriously people, who hasn't stolen $26 000 worth of clothes, shoes and jewellery? I just stole a ball-point pen from work. How is that not the same thing?
So before we all go getting on our high horses, lets look at ourselves. Let's ask oursleves who amoung us hasnt done something retardedly stupid and blamed it on someone else? We need to be more like Jesus here. We need to walk on some water and say "Throw a stone at me! I promise I won't throw one back! Here, have some bread and fish."
Friday, July 27, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Elaboration
I promised I would. And i am nothing if not reliable to my promises. Except if they are promises to Jon. Screw him. He gave me a cold.
An associate in the camp, lets call him.......Pete, is a 44 yr old professional waiter. This is all he has ever done. He lives with a bunch of college students with his dog.
Here is a typical conversation between Pete and his dog.
"who's the most beautiful girl in the whole world?" proceeds to open mouth kiss the dog
"Aren't you gorgeous! You are so pretty! You are the prettiest girl ever! Who loves you? I do! I love you princess" lets dog kiss him back
"are you hungry? I made you some din-din" puts down an omelet with ham, onions and peppers, hashbrowns, 3 pieces of bacon and 2 pieces of sausage.
With a piece of toast on the side.
And some orange juice in a bowl.
Pete has a girlfriend. Oh yes, I was shocked too. In fact I was so shocked I blurted out "I thought you were gay!"
Pete, very offended says:
"Oh god no! I am not gay at all! I have a great girlfriend"
"Oh yeah? What does she do?"
"She starts college in September."
"Hey! Good for her! It must be hard starting college so late"
Pete gets a puzzled look on his face and says:
"She's not starting late. She's 19"
Which makes complete sense that he looked so puzzled. That i assumed this creepy 44 yr old man would be dating someone old enough to vote in the Unites States. How dare I?
A man who loves his dog this much is a catch! Any woman would be lucky to date a 44 yr old career waiter who lives with 3 college boys. This is the best part:
-he is 2 years older than her dad
Now unfortunatley I cant really demean this guy too much. (Though i did when i was there. "Oh I took a children's lit class when i was at college. We did a whole section on Dr. Seuss. Hey Pete! Your girlfriend would do great in that. Didnt she stop reading those like 2 weeks ago?")
I blame her parents.
How screwed up do you have to be as a father to raise a daughter that would date a man that much older? I shall put my all of my father's wives in this category (including my mom). What the hell? Is Freud right? Girls want to marry their fathers? Did he mean this literally?
Pete is overall a pretty okay guy. I personally didnt get along well with him, but that doesnt say much as i dont get along with just about anyone. There were some raised eyebrows as to how he interacts with his dog. A lot of the people there found it.........odd. And yes, if you were wondering, he does put sweaters on his dog in the winter. His sweaters. She is a big dog.
An associate in the camp, lets call him.......Pete, is a 44 yr old professional waiter. This is all he has ever done. He lives with a bunch of college students with his dog.
Here is a typical conversation between Pete and his dog.
"who's the most beautiful girl in the whole world?" proceeds to open mouth kiss the dog
"Aren't you gorgeous! You are so pretty! You are the prettiest girl ever! Who loves you? I do! I love you princess" lets dog kiss him back
"are you hungry? I made you some din-din" puts down an omelet with ham, onions and peppers, hashbrowns, 3 pieces of bacon and 2 pieces of sausage.
With a piece of toast on the side.
And some orange juice in a bowl.
Pete has a girlfriend. Oh yes, I was shocked too. In fact I was so shocked I blurted out "I thought you were gay!"
Pete, very offended says:
"Oh god no! I am not gay at all! I have a great girlfriend"
"Oh yeah? What does she do?"
"She starts college in September."
"Hey! Good for her! It must be hard starting college so late"
Pete gets a puzzled look on his face and says:
"She's not starting late. She's 19"
Which makes complete sense that he looked so puzzled. That i assumed this creepy 44 yr old man would be dating someone old enough to vote in the Unites States. How dare I?
A man who loves his dog this much is a catch! Any woman would be lucky to date a 44 yr old career waiter who lives with 3 college boys. This is the best part:
-he is 2 years older than her dad
Now unfortunatley I cant really demean this guy too much. (Though i did when i was there. "Oh I took a children's lit class when i was at college. We did a whole section on Dr. Seuss. Hey Pete! Your girlfriend would do great in that. Didnt she stop reading those like 2 weeks ago?")
I blame her parents.
How screwed up do you have to be as a father to raise a daughter that would date a man that much older? I shall put my all of my father's wives in this category (including my mom). What the hell? Is Freud right? Girls want to marry their fathers? Did he mean this literally?
Pete is overall a pretty okay guy. I personally didnt get along well with him, but that doesnt say much as i dont get along with just about anyone. There were some raised eyebrows as to how he interacts with his dog. A lot of the people there found it.........odd. And yes, if you were wondering, he does put sweaters on his dog in the winter. His sweaters. She is a big dog.
My adventures with no cable
So the god-forsaken bastard regime aka Rogers cut off my cable while i was in sunny saskatchewan. For a girl who is used to having the tv on all the time for background noise I have gone a wee bit loopy. For some odd reason, having the radio on or putting a movie in just doesnt quite feel the same. I think it's because deep down i still know that i have no freaking cable, no matter how hard i try to fool myself.
Movies I have seen:
Blast from the Past- very cute. This was when alicia silverstone was hot and in demand. I think she was on one of those "what happened to her" much music thingys a few weeks ago. She kisses weird by the looks of her. In another crappy movie of hers she made out with benecio del toro (in his embarassment days). How did she not jump all over him and eat sushi off his ass?
I digress.
Music and Lyrics-drew barrymore is hit and miss with movies. This is a miss. It sucked.
The Holiday-super cute. I actually cried a couple of times. Though i am one of those women who wants nothing more than for jude law to come over to my house and do dirty naughty things to me.
Apocolypse-mila jovovich *drool*
Independance day-still love it
stranger than fiction-will ferrell. love anything that guy does
Dennis the menace/richie rich/home alone 1 &2
all sucked.
I also have been going to the gym (they have tvs on the treadmills. i figure this was mutually beneficial. My mind and my ass thanked me)
Reading books. ( I downloaded harry potter 7 and stayed up all night reading it)
Okay, what the hell is it about kids with english accents that totally freaks me out?????
"Please! You are all going to die down here!" Red Queen
In Max milk and the new Froster flavour is........... seriously i shit you not...............
WTF
And the other one is OMGWTF
is this appropriate? Does 'WTF' have another meaning i am not aware of besides What The FUCK?
Should this be a froster flavour? That children get?? That i have to explain to my 6 yr old what WTF means?
And who the hell do i complain to about that? I am not a product complainer, god forbid, but this seems complaint worthy.
Movies I have seen:
Blast from the Past- very cute. This was when alicia silverstone was hot and in demand. I think she was on one of those "what happened to her" much music thingys a few weeks ago. She kisses weird by the looks of her. In another crappy movie of hers she made out with benecio del toro (in his embarassment days). How did she not jump all over him and eat sushi off his ass?
I digress.
Music and Lyrics-drew barrymore is hit and miss with movies. This is a miss. It sucked.
The Holiday-super cute. I actually cried a couple of times. Though i am one of those women who wants nothing more than for jude law to come over to my house and do dirty naughty things to me.
Apocolypse-mila jovovich *drool*
Independance day-still love it
stranger than fiction-will ferrell. love anything that guy does
Dennis the menace/richie rich/home alone 1 &2
all sucked.
I also have been going to the gym (they have tvs on the treadmills. i figure this was mutually beneficial. My mind and my ass thanked me)
Reading books. ( I downloaded harry potter 7 and stayed up all night reading it)
Okay, what the hell is it about kids with english accents that totally freaks me out?????
"Please! You are all going to die down here!" Red Queen
In Max milk and the new Froster flavour is........... seriously i shit you not...............
WTF
And the other one is OMGWTF
is this appropriate? Does 'WTF' have another meaning i am not aware of besides What The FUCK?
Should this be a froster flavour? That children get?? That i have to explain to my 6 yr old what WTF means?
And who the hell do i complain to about that? I am not a product complainer, god forbid, but this seems complaint worthy.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Okay, I am home now in safe London. Where I shall not have to fly again for anything. I hope. My kittens, whilst I was gone, somehow managed to find some speed and crack and consumed enough of it to make an army of hookers happy. This is the only reason I can find for their unbelievable hyperness. So far I have seen:
Gladiator style fighting on my recliner.
Chupa attacking her tail, falling over and whacking her head off of the vacuum. Apparently she thought the vacuum had something to do with it and proceeded to then attack it
Chupa deciding she didn’t like the look of my chapstick and assassinating it.
All of them attacking the wicker basket I use for paper garbage.
I have come to the conclusion that they are all fucked.
I did manage to survive my plane rides again. Funny thing, I flew on Friday the 13th. Only I didn’t know it was Friday the 13th. If I HAD known there is no way in anyone’s holy hell you would have caught me on a plane, much less 2 of them. The second flight had little tv’s in the seats. Dr. Phil and Oprah still suck at 40 000 feet if anyone cares. A sort of nice old lady held my hand when I was psychotically sobbing during take-off. I say sort of nice because after I calmed down a bit I got grilled about my life. And then lectured on how I should be married. A little girl like me should not be out leaving her son at home no matter how good the job! How dare I! And how old are you anyway to have a 6 yr old son at home pining for you?
Calgary airport is the coolest airport ever. It would have been a boring experience if it wasn’t for the millions of people wearing cowboy hats. And not the real kind. The Big Gay Al kind you find in gift shops.
“Look! I went to Calgary and got a real honest to goodness authentic wicker cowboy hat! Just like the real cowboys wear!”
*cough* at the gay rodeo.
Which my friend Jon was nice enough to point out happens in Winnipeg, but that is splitting hairs. I did go to Winnipeg, but was not allowed to get off the plane. So I got a fantastic picture of a sign that welcomed us from the plane window. I wasn’t that impressed with the capital of Manitoba at all.
Gladiator style fighting on my recliner.
Chupa attacking her tail, falling over and whacking her head off of the vacuum. Apparently she thought the vacuum had something to do with it and proceeded to then attack it
Chupa deciding she didn’t like the look of my chapstick and assassinating it.
All of them attacking the wicker basket I use for paper garbage.
I have come to the conclusion that they are all fucked.
I did manage to survive my plane rides again. Funny thing, I flew on Friday the 13th. Only I didn’t know it was Friday the 13th. If I HAD known there is no way in anyone’s holy hell you would have caught me on a plane, much less 2 of them. The second flight had little tv’s in the seats. Dr. Phil and Oprah still suck at 40 000 feet if anyone cares. A sort of nice old lady held my hand when I was psychotically sobbing during take-off. I say sort of nice because after I calmed down a bit I got grilled about my life. And then lectured on how I should be married. A little girl like me should not be out leaving her son at home no matter how good the job! How dare I! And how old are you anyway to have a 6 yr old son at home pining for you?
Calgary airport is the coolest airport ever. It would have been a boring experience if it wasn’t for the millions of people wearing cowboy hats. And not the real kind. The Big Gay Al kind you find in gift shops.
“Look! I went to Calgary and got a real honest to goodness authentic wicker cowboy hat! Just like the real cowboys wear!”
*cough* at the gay rodeo.
Which my friend Jon was nice enough to point out happens in Winnipeg, but that is splitting hairs. I did go to Winnipeg, but was not allowed to get off the plane. So I got a fantastic picture of a sign that welcomed us from the plane window. I wasn’t that impressed with the capital of Manitoba at all.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Reasons I hate Saskatchewan
1. Black flies
-those fuckers are like gnats! They are sneaky and hurt like a son of a bitch when they bite. I also hate anything that has been named for how it looks. How lazy is that? I shall now call that tree--tall thing.
2. Deer flies
-from what i can tell, there are no freaking deer in saskatchewan. So why the fuck are there flies named after them? I think either the bears ate them all or they got abducted by aliens (crop circles in the wheat explains their presence here) or they were killed off by the minions of SATAN. Aka :Deer flies. Bites also hurt. Alot.
3.Horse flies
-again, havent seen many horses (none) so the name seems irrelevant. Perhaps they are named so because of their freakishly huge size. They could eat birds, I swear to god. Bite? Of course! Does it hurt? Does it ever! I think i screamed like a little girl the first time i got bit.
4. Spruce beetles
-they were put upon this earth to make you fear the dirt too. All these flies buzzing around, you forget that shit down on the ground bites too until one of them takes a fucking chunk out of your leg. Fuckers.
5. weather
6. first place i ever flew so i will always remember it with fear and revulsion.
7. those gay ass berries. i understand saskatoon is so fucking boring that they needed something to make their own to feel special; but the grossest berries ever? Should have named some sort of fly after it. Saskatoonfly. You know what? Fuckers would bite. Everything here bites.
-those fuckers are like gnats! They are sneaky and hurt like a son of a bitch when they bite. I also hate anything that has been named for how it looks. How lazy is that? I shall now call that tree--tall thing.
2. Deer flies
-from what i can tell, there are no freaking deer in saskatchewan. So why the fuck are there flies named after them? I think either the bears ate them all or they got abducted by aliens (crop circles in the wheat explains their presence here) or they were killed off by the minions of SATAN. Aka :Deer flies. Bites also hurt. Alot.
3.Horse flies
-again, havent seen many horses (none) so the name seems irrelevant. Perhaps they are named so because of their freakishly huge size. They could eat birds, I swear to god. Bite? Of course! Does it hurt? Does it ever! I think i screamed like a little girl the first time i got bit.
4. Spruce beetles
-they were put upon this earth to make you fear the dirt too. All these flies buzzing around, you forget that shit down on the ground bites too until one of them takes a fucking chunk out of your leg. Fuckers.
5. weather
6. first place i ever flew so i will always remember it with fear and revulsion.
7. those gay ass berries. i understand saskatoon is so fucking boring that they needed something to make their own to feel special; but the grossest berries ever? Should have named some sort of fly after it. Saskatoonfly. You know what? Fuckers would bite. Everything here bites.
Thanks for the flower! It was very purple
i am so hasty. I make rash decisions without thinking them through. The tricky part is I think I think them through, when i actually really don't. I have convinced myself that I have given it as much thought as possible, when all i really did was make my damn decision and then rationalize it to death.
I decided that i was miserable, which frankly i was, and rather than give it another week to see if it would get better, i went to my boss in a moment of unbelievable annoyance at someone and said I wanted to go home from this fucking province.
Well shit on me, but I kinda wish I hadn't of done that.
First because I got screwed with the flight home. I didnt fulfill my contract so i have to pay for everything now. And because there is a super hot guy (looks great in greasy oily dirt. Like a porno movie. "Here, let me take your dirty clothes and wash them. Oh, you are not wearing any underwear? I'll take care of that!" bow-chicka-bow-bow) who might actually think I am not a repulsive horrific creature. In fact I have a sneaky suspicion he thinks I am groovy. (which i so totally am)
Oh! He gave me a flower.
I am willing to ignore the fact that I demanded he get me flowers. Since this is the first time in my entire freaking life anyone had gotten me flowers, I dont care that I made him do it.
What happened to my last torrid (ok fine! It was never torrid) affair? Well he still totally digs me (and who can blame him? I am better than ice cream), but keeps stating how he doesnt want a relationship.
I never said I wanted one. In fact I am pretty okay without one. But to have someone constantly reminding you they dont want one gets very annoying. Like having a pencil jambed into your ear annoying. I love being reminded I m not good enough to have a relationship with. Makes me feel all warm and gooey and shit. Like those butterflies vomitting chocolate hearts came back to visit my stomach.
If for some weird reason I manage not to have a psychotic breakdown on the tincan airplane, I just might come back to do this godawful job again in a few weeks.
I decided that i was miserable, which frankly i was, and rather than give it another week to see if it would get better, i went to my boss in a moment of unbelievable annoyance at someone and said I wanted to go home from this fucking province.
Well shit on me, but I kinda wish I hadn't of done that.
First because I got screwed with the flight home. I didnt fulfill my contract so i have to pay for everything now. And because there is a super hot guy (looks great in greasy oily dirt. Like a porno movie. "Here, let me take your dirty clothes and wash them. Oh, you are not wearing any underwear? I'll take care of that!" bow-chicka-bow-bow) who might actually think I am not a repulsive horrific creature. In fact I have a sneaky suspicion he thinks I am groovy. (which i so totally am)
Oh! He gave me a flower.
I am willing to ignore the fact that I demanded he get me flowers. Since this is the first time in my entire freaking life anyone had gotten me flowers, I dont care that I made him do it.
What happened to my last torrid (ok fine! It was never torrid) affair? Well he still totally digs me (and who can blame him? I am better than ice cream), but keeps stating how he doesnt want a relationship.
I never said I wanted one. In fact I am pretty okay without one. But to have someone constantly reminding you they dont want one gets very annoying. Like having a pencil jambed into your ear annoying. I love being reminded I m not good enough to have a relationship with. Makes me feel all warm and gooey and shit. Like those butterflies vomitting chocolate hearts came back to visit my stomach.
If for some weird reason I manage not to have a psychotic breakdown on the tincan airplane, I just might come back to do this godawful job again in a few weeks.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Saskatchewan is officially the worst freaking province in Canada. I base tis solely on the fact I have only been in 2 provinces, but am convinced I am right.
Here are the reasons:
1. the internet where i am is schizophrenic. I might not be able to actually post this.
2. they have their own 'special' berry. Called the saskatoonberry. It tastes like bluberry and bubblegum. It is really gross and they are freakishly proud of it
3. there is nothing but flat and sky. Those are your options. Flat and sky. Anything you want to do that doesnt involve that? Fuck you thats what.
4. Bears. God i hate bears. All i want to do is go for a freaking piss. But i cant. Because i could DIE!
5. The weather has no idea what it is doing. So far it is sunny and hot for about 15 min. Followed by rain and cold for 20. Then sunny and hot for an hour. Then it will rain on one side while the sun is still out on the other. Then it will get sunny for 30 minutes. Then it wil downpour and get cold for 2 hours. This is an average day here.
6. I hate the people i work with. I hate most of the people i cook for. Hate is such a strong word, you're right. I am extremely displeased with the situation here. MY assistant decided to take oer as soon as he got here. And, (I shall elaborate on this in another post) I have finally experienced that whole "I am a girl, so no one respects me, what I do, or what i think. Lets find the nearest MAN around"
I cannot express how annoyed I am with this.
I am pissy in general 90% of the timne right now.
Now normally I am pissy that muvh anyway, but at least I will have some humour about it.
This morning alone, i went into the kitchen to have some breakfast (I dont start until 10) at 6am. My ASSISTANT starts screaming at me ow i left 3 pots in the sink to soak overnight. At 6am. So i have now had a wonderful start to my day.
I fucking hate Saskatcewan
Here are the reasons:
1. the internet where i am is schizophrenic. I might not be able to actually post this.
2. they have their own 'special' berry. Called the saskatoonberry. It tastes like bluberry and bubblegum. It is really gross and they are freakishly proud of it
3. there is nothing but flat and sky. Those are your options. Flat and sky. Anything you want to do that doesnt involve that? Fuck you thats what.
4. Bears. God i hate bears. All i want to do is go for a freaking piss. But i cant. Because i could DIE!
5. The weather has no idea what it is doing. So far it is sunny and hot for about 15 min. Followed by rain and cold for 20. Then sunny and hot for an hour. Then it will rain on one side while the sun is still out on the other. Then it will get sunny for 30 minutes. Then it wil downpour and get cold for 2 hours. This is an average day here.
6. I hate the people i work with. I hate most of the people i cook for. Hate is such a strong word, you're right. I am extremely displeased with the situation here. MY assistant decided to take oer as soon as he got here. And, (I shall elaborate on this in another post) I have finally experienced that whole "I am a girl, so no one respects me, what I do, or what i think. Lets find the nearest MAN around"
I cannot express how annoyed I am with this.
I am pissy in general 90% of the timne right now.
Now normally I am pissy that muvh anyway, but at least I will have some humour about it.
This morning alone, i went into the kitchen to have some breakfast (I dont start until 10) at 6am. My ASSISTANT starts screaming at me ow i left 3 pots in the sink to soak overnight. At 6am. So i have now had a wonderful start to my day.
I fucking hate Saskatcewan
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