Lord only knows why, but I cannot sleep past 8 am for the life of me. I am sure there is something terribly Freudian about this, but as that gentleman is dead, I shall be ignorant of the reason.
So instead, I will go for a nap around 11am and if anyone happens to call (assuming my phone is fixed by then), I look like a lazy ass. My title lies. I do not 'feel fine'. I feel......twitchy. I feel like there is something important I should be doing but either cannot remember what it is due to my now advanced age, or I have somehow subconsciously made myself allergic to doing important things.
I have been reading a lot lately as I have said before. But because I have been broke, I have been re-hashing all of my old books, of which there are many. Mostly romance novels.
Which is the worst thing for me to be reading at this point in my pathetically lonely life.
Reasons why i hate romance novels
1. The make me feel old. Most of these damn things are set in the 1800's. A woman of my age back then was considered an old maid. Not worthy of marriage. All of the gentleman are my age, but the ladies are 'just coming out' 18-22. Even 22 is considered borderline scandolous. Piss on women's lib. Yes, I feel old because i have no propects of marrriage at my age! Or a dowry to tempt a man. Unless you call my broken phone and dvd players, my psychotic cat, hyperactive son, and 10 year old microwave adequate dowry. With this i could get a Jerry Springer-esque man. "Ooooooh! You can cook the food in this here box like magic?"
2. The women let the men walk allllllllll over her. This includes the modern romance novels. The women will slap a man across the face, threaten to scream, insult him, throw shit at him and state very firmly that she wants nothing to do with him. And yet the man takes this to mean she needs more convincing. Or a tongue thrusting it's honey like taste into her mouth shooting pangs of desire through her soul. And then! She melts! Proving one again that women have no idea what they want and deserve to have men walk allllllll over them.
3. No gays. What? These guys/gals dont have romances too? There were not gay pirates with throbbing shafts of desire? No cowboys with swollen members of heated passion? I am sure there are just as many lesbians out there who are indecisive and will let another lesbian walk allllllllll over them. Or how about some nice bi-sexual action? Everyone knows one of a hetero man's best fantasies is 2 women. I have yet to see/hear about this even being suggested. Statistically speaking, one of these guys had to of prsssured his wife/mistress into a menage a trois.
4.Did i mention they make me feel old?
5. These ladies are always exceptioanl beauties. How is that suposed to make me feel? The average run of the mill beauty? I dont have eyes the colour of violets, or hair that shimmers like gold. I have green eyes that I use to see things, and hair that keeps my head warm. Thats about the extent of that.
6. I will never ever ever meet a guy like this. One that fills me with a rising passion that overwhelms me. These freaking books have given me an unrealistic idea of what to expect in a relationship. I certainly don't expect a guy to whip out a pirate patch and call me wench, but I do sort of, maybe just a little, really desparately want a guy to grab me and bend me over and ....*cough* rub my neck. My neck does get sore. *looks around innocently*
*Matty has decided to forgo Facebook for a month. I hope he is lying. I miss him already. He makes me feel happy. And for a gay guy, I feel oddly sexy talking to him. I am sure Freud would have something to say about that.
*I think Matty has become my token gay friend now! This is very exciting for a girl from the stix.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Murphy's Law edition #4
Oh!
Oh oh oh oh oh!
My phone!
It is broken again!
If i hadn't of started laughing so hard I would have cried and pulled an Owen Wilson.
Then I called Bell and demanded that a tech come out today. Noooooooooo. Have to wait until tomorrow. I asked to speak with her supervisor, she hung up on me. I call back. Explain my problem. The girl put me on hold to see what she could do. I got disconnected. I call back and got a lovely boy/man named Jason. He was wonderful. Did absolutely nothing to help me, but he did it in a really sexy voice. So I didn't mind so much I am still without a phone.
So, lets tally shall we?
I have no cable
No way to watch a movie
No phone
I have the internet
The lovely, juicy, slippery internet.
Oh oh oh oh oh!
My phone!
It is broken again!
If i hadn't of started laughing so hard I would have cried and pulled an Owen Wilson.
Then I called Bell and demanded that a tech come out today. Noooooooooo. Have to wait until tomorrow. I asked to speak with her supervisor, she hung up on me. I call back. Explain my problem. The girl put me on hold to see what she could do. I got disconnected. I call back and got a lovely boy/man named Jason. He was wonderful. Did absolutely nothing to help me, but he did it in a really sexy voice. So I didn't mind so much I am still without a phone.
So, lets tally shall we?
I have no cable
No way to watch a movie
No phone
I have the internet
The lovely, juicy, slippery internet.
Monday, August 27, 2007
A very nice friend of mine lent me his dvd player. He was hesitant to do so as I had broken 2 in the week before this. Well, after spending quite awhile deciding which movie wouldnt suck and i could possible stand to watch again, i discovered that his dvd player wont work without the remote.
Which he had forgotten.
So in an indirect way, he doesnt have to worry now that I'll break it. Which technically could still happen.
Finally got the new modem today. Its a damn phone one so i have a billion cords stretching across my floor right now.
Oh, and i got fired.
This is the first time in the loooooooong history of me getting canned that not only do i NOT care, but it actually comes as a relief. I freaking hated that job.
Remember back when you were a kid and the bully up the street would yell and you and call you four-eyes and would smash yellow snow into your mouth every chance he got? And if you told you mom she would just tell you to ignore him? But it was really hard to ignore him cuz he was constantly following you and throwing shit at the back of your head and your mom says its because he has a crush on you and so for the rest of our life you constantly rate relationships by how shitty someone treats you so you end up in therapy paying a whackload of money for your shrink to pay crosswords on his lap and you think "How come I have to work 20 hours to pay for this? And he's not even that good that he doesnt know a 4 letter word for bitch is cunt?"
Well, my job was kinda like that.
*Thanks art! You rock
Which he had forgotten.
So in an indirect way, he doesnt have to worry now that I'll break it. Which technically could still happen.
Finally got the new modem today. Its a damn phone one so i have a billion cords stretching across my floor right now.
Oh, and i got fired.
This is the first time in the loooooooong history of me getting canned that not only do i NOT care, but it actually comes as a relief. I freaking hated that job.
Remember back when you were a kid and the bully up the street would yell and you and call you four-eyes and would smash yellow snow into your mouth every chance he got? And if you told you mom she would just tell you to ignore him? But it was really hard to ignore him cuz he was constantly following you and throwing shit at the back of your head and your mom says its because he has a crush on you and so for the rest of our life you constantly rate relationships by how shitty someone treats you so you end up in therapy paying a whackload of money for your shrink to pay crosswords on his lap and you think "How come I have to work 20 hours to pay for this? And he's not even that good that he doesnt know a 4 letter word for bitch is cunt?"
Well, my job was kinda like that.
*Thanks art! You rock
Saturday, August 25, 2007
'Tis a sad sad day
Today is Matty's last day working for the coporate elitest regime. Which is very unfortunate as he happens to be the most competent one there. I spoke to his replacement who is way gayer, so Matty doesnt get to keep that title. Even though the guy once complained to me how after getting a full body wax, the "stupid bitch" missed his elbows. I think it was at that very moment........I realized that Matty is the fruitiest gay I know. I am a chick and I dont wax my elbows. I dont know anyone who waxes their elbows.
Either way, I will really miss him. All the new fruit tarts aka Rogers dispatchers, are useless. So why they all sound so happy I have no idea. Apparently ignorance is bliss.
Or in their case incompetence is rapture.
*I wonder if Matty's dad was a ninja cowboy? Or a Marine Core firefighter??
Either way, I will really miss him. All the new fruit tarts aka Rogers dispatchers, are useless. So why they all sound so happy I have no idea. Apparently ignorance is bliss.
Or in their case incompetence is rapture.
*I wonder if Matty's dad was a ninja cowboy? Or a Marine Core firefighter??
Friday, August 24, 2007
Violent Acres, whom, if i ever meet shall cover with honey and lick it off, wrote a very good couple of articles regarding a new version of feminism i was not aware of.
Before I go wandering willy-nilly into the definition, just go over and read hers. Save me the hassle and she gets paid for it.
I had a really in depth conversation with Jon last night about this very topic.
I am a single mother (abandoned by my boyfriend of off-and-on one year when he found out), going to school full time and working part time. I dont have to work as our student funding system gives me enough money, but I choose to as I do not enjoy not feeling productive.
Jon says the child support system is fucked and doesnt believe that a man should have to pay for a kid if he didnt want it and had no say in whether or not abortion or adoption was an option. Or if the chick decided to get knocked up on purpose. However, they do. I completely agree with him even though he is a man. :P
What my problem is in relation to VA is that here I am, working my ass to the bone,getting an education with a fairly okay social life, and still manage to spend time with my kid and these "women" claim to be enlightened enough to call themselves feminists. A feminist was a woman who fought for the rights of women. The right to vote, the right to be enrolled in the 'good ol boys' army, the right to a decent wage and a workplace free of harassment. They fought for the right to put their daughters in hockey and football. If burning a bra got their point across, then so be it. Sometimes I want to burn my bra for the reason of the complicated and very annoying washing instructions on it. I'll be damned if i waste a load of laundry on the 'gentle cycle'.
How can you justify calling yourself a feminist because you chose to stay home with your snotty kids? How does that help women and society as a whole? How does that advance the plight of women? Which so far as I can see is pretty much okay. Short of peeing standing up, we can do everything men can do.
But these new "feminists"!
They expect me, whose arms are filled with groceries, to stop and hold the door for them just because they happen to have a stroller. They will become indignant if i don't. They expect me to coo and gag over their 'cute' children. They expect me, even though I am a parent also, to give way to them if their children are smaller.
This goes against all feminist policy. Hold your own damn door open Harpo! Coo over my kid! He doesn't drool on himself!
Sure, don't work. Stay at home. Dont have any friends other than the ones in mommy-group. Dont have any outside interests. But dont expect me to foot the bill when your kid moves out and you realize how desparately alone you are, and you decide to jump off of a building. No big loss. You didn't contribute much anyway.
I have tried to hold conversations with this type of 'feminist'. They are mindless Proctor-Gamble drones. They have barely any knowledge of current events, so it is obviouls that they could not hold a conversation regarding anything pre-Blue's Clues either. They stare at me stunned when i say in am in engineering because that is not an accepted pink collar position. They become enraged that I have left my son to be, what they call 'raised' by daycares, after school programs and babysitters, all because I am selfish enough to want an education. I dont need one they say. I can make a perfectly adequate living working full time at a regular job. How dare I, presume to be better by going to college. Their children will be so much better than mine because they stayed home with them.
My child is learning the benefits of an education right now. He is learning the meaning of a work ethic. Sure, I dont devote 100% of my time to him, but the time I do spend with him, he gets a content mother who has her own personality and own life.
Before I go wandering willy-nilly into the definition, just go over and read hers. Save me the hassle and she gets paid for it.
I had a really in depth conversation with Jon last night about this very topic.
I am a single mother (abandoned by my boyfriend of off-and-on one year when he found out), going to school full time and working part time. I dont have to work as our student funding system gives me enough money, but I choose to as I do not enjoy not feeling productive.
Jon says the child support system is fucked and doesnt believe that a man should have to pay for a kid if he didnt want it and had no say in whether or not abortion or adoption was an option. Or if the chick decided to get knocked up on purpose. However, they do. I completely agree with him even though he is a man. :P
What my problem is in relation to VA is that here I am, working my ass to the bone,getting an education with a fairly okay social life, and still manage to spend time with my kid and these "women" claim to be enlightened enough to call themselves feminists. A feminist was a woman who fought for the rights of women. The right to vote, the right to be enrolled in the 'good ol boys' army, the right to a decent wage and a workplace free of harassment. They fought for the right to put their daughters in hockey and football. If burning a bra got their point across, then so be it. Sometimes I want to burn my bra for the reason of the complicated and very annoying washing instructions on it. I'll be damned if i waste a load of laundry on the 'gentle cycle'.
How can you justify calling yourself a feminist because you chose to stay home with your snotty kids? How does that help women and society as a whole? How does that advance the plight of women? Which so far as I can see is pretty much okay. Short of peeing standing up, we can do everything men can do.
But these new "feminists"!
They expect me, whose arms are filled with groceries, to stop and hold the door for them just because they happen to have a stroller. They will become indignant if i don't. They expect me to coo and gag over their 'cute' children. They expect me, even though I am a parent also, to give way to them if their children are smaller.
This goes against all feminist policy. Hold your own damn door open Harpo! Coo over my kid! He doesn't drool on himself!
Sure, don't work. Stay at home. Dont have any friends other than the ones in mommy-group. Dont have any outside interests. But dont expect me to foot the bill when your kid moves out and you realize how desparately alone you are, and you decide to jump off of a building. No big loss. You didn't contribute much anyway.
I have tried to hold conversations with this type of 'feminist'. They are mindless Proctor-Gamble drones. They have barely any knowledge of current events, so it is obviouls that they could not hold a conversation regarding anything pre-Blue's Clues either. They stare at me stunned when i say in am in engineering because that is not an accepted pink collar position. They become enraged that I have left my son to be, what they call 'raised' by daycares, after school programs and babysitters, all because I am selfish enough to want an education. I dont need one they say. I can make a perfectly adequate living working full time at a regular job. How dare I, presume to be better by going to college. Their children will be so much better than mine because they stayed home with them.
My child is learning the benefits of an education right now. He is learning the meaning of a work ethic. Sure, I dont devote 100% of my time to him, but the time I do spend with him, he gets a content mother who has her own personality and own life.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Murphy's Law edition #3
So i came home after going on a short jaunt today and wouldnt you know thats when the Bell technician decided to show up. Well he left me a lovely note saying he had fixed the static problem.
Now I dont have a phone.
He fixed the problem by disconnecting me completely.
So i suppose in a really round-about way or a "look on the bright side" attitude, he techincally did fix my static problem. I guess it was my fault for not specifying that I wanted a working phone with NO static.
Now I dont have a phone.
He fixed the problem by disconnecting me completely.
So i suppose in a really round-about way or a "look on the bright side" attitude, he techincally did fix my static problem. I guess it was my fault for not specifying that I wanted a working phone with NO static.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Murphy's Law edition #2
Did I mention that those capitalist bastards aka Rogers had cut me off? So I switched my home phone to Bell. I have had them for 2 months now. So far:
-I still have NOT recieved my modem. I got a call yesterday thanking me for being a Bell Sympatico customer. Which is news to me.
-I cannot get cable as I live on the wrong side of the building for a dish. And the Gestapo who run my building have out-lawed satellite dishes upon penalty of stoning.
-I used my phone, went to the mall and when i came back it wasnt working. I then spent a horrendous hour on my cell phone trying to explain to Bell that I dont want this fucking insurance and for someone to come and fix the goddamn problem. See, if its a problem, even the wiring inside your house, they will charge you $100. If it is outside, it is free. So they try to rook you into this insurance for $8/month to cover you in case it is in your house. I wanted to know with whom do i speak with regarding this atrocity but i kept getting "Ma'am, for only $8 you wont have to worry about it". Well they fixed it. And it wasnt my problem. which i told them.
-My phone as of yesterday is next to impossible to use becasue of the static.
So i have to sit my ass here from 8am to 10 pm tomorrow waiting for a technician to come.
I then had to again listen to the spial about the freaking insurance. I keep explaining that if i have only had the phone for 2 months how on gods green earth can it be MY fault it keeps fucking up?
The dvd player broke again. And by broke I mean that this one particular dvd keeps getting stuck in it. The only way to get it out is to take the entire machine apart. It is a copy of The Outer Limits. The Sci-fi show. I am not sure if this means something sinister
-I still have NOT recieved my modem. I got a call yesterday thanking me for being a Bell Sympatico customer. Which is news to me.
-I cannot get cable as I live on the wrong side of the building for a dish. And the Gestapo who run my building have out-lawed satellite dishes upon penalty of stoning.
-I used my phone, went to the mall and when i came back it wasnt working. I then spent a horrendous hour on my cell phone trying to explain to Bell that I dont want this fucking insurance and for someone to come and fix the goddamn problem. See, if its a problem, even the wiring inside your house, they will charge you $100. If it is outside, it is free. So they try to rook you into this insurance for $8/month to cover you in case it is in your house. I wanted to know with whom do i speak with regarding this atrocity but i kept getting "Ma'am, for only $8 you wont have to worry about it". Well they fixed it. And it wasnt my problem. which i told them.
-My phone as of yesterday is next to impossible to use becasue of the static.
So i have to sit my ass here from 8am to 10 pm tomorrow waiting for a technician to come.
I then had to again listen to the spial about the freaking insurance. I keep explaining that if i have only had the phone for 2 months how on gods green earth can it be MY fault it keeps fucking up?
The dvd player broke again. And by broke I mean that this one particular dvd keeps getting stuck in it. The only way to get it out is to take the entire machine apart. It is a copy of The Outer Limits. The Sci-fi show. I am not sure if this means something sinister
Murphy's Law edition #1
well on the bright side, my sense of humour has come back. Something happened today to a friend that I found interesting.
She had just gone back to work when her son called her to tell her their hydro would be cut off if she didnt pay the bill b 2 pm. Funnily enough she HAD paid it, but the lasy at the bank had put it to the wrong account. Her ex-husbands account. So she still had to pay the bill and then had to track down her ex to get her money back from him. All in all she missed 3 hours of work and had a pretty shitty day all because some banker-lady wasnt paying attention. (Did you get it?? PUNNY!!!!Oh shut up.)
Anyway, the funny part about it is that she said she thought of me while she was going through all this hassle. Because she knows that this kind of shit happens to me on a weekly if not daily basis.
Case:
When i was going to saskatchewan aka the land of the freak show, I let Jon use my car. So i thought it a good idea to put him on my insurance. I was told there was no extra cost for this. I recieved a registered letter yesterday saying if i didnt pay $60 by thursday midnight my coverage would be cancelled.
So i go into the office breathing fire, or garlic, and asked what the bloody hell was going on. After an hour of arguing I basically had to pay the freaking $60. Which brings the total to 2 times my insurance company has fucked up and managed to screw me up the ass with a carrot. And i am a preferrred customer. And i pay my insurance per year. PER YEAR> you would think they would love that. No hassle.
I am mistaken.
I forget sometimes that i am an extremely unlucky person in every regard and that when my family immigrated here they changed their name from Murphy.
So when my friend went through this today, she said she felt sorry for me. That i had to deal with this shit all the time.
Dr. Phil was talking to some people who felt that they were 'doomed' that all they had was bad luck. He said "Out of all the billions on this world, why do you think God would target you? What makes you so special?"
Well fuck him.
Fuck him with a rusty hammer.
There are certain people in this world who through no fault of their own just get screwed. I believe that I am paying karma for the sins of my father. Or past life crap. Or maybe I really AM that important and God wants to mess with me. which should technically make me feel better that i am that important.....
as a side God note:
After i had gotten dumped in what could only be the weirdest break up in history (I like you too much. I am afraid to like you more. so its easier to break it off now), I was obviously pretty depressed. On the drive home i was flipping through the radio and just then
just then
that song came on
My favourite song ever
I will survive.
Not half way through...right at the beginning. And the song seemed somehow appropriate to the situation.
Right after that I switched stations again and!
The song i have been trying to download but cant quite get, the song i have had stuck in my head fo rthe past 2 weeks came on.
Which i think shows that God felt sorry for me and even he was saying "What the fuck was that guy thinking? Here are som eof your favourite songs to cheer you up dear. There there. I will give him a plague for you. Something in the festering category perhaps?"
She had just gone back to work when her son called her to tell her their hydro would be cut off if she didnt pay the bill b 2 pm. Funnily enough she HAD paid it, but the lasy at the bank had put it to the wrong account. Her ex-husbands account. So she still had to pay the bill and then had to track down her ex to get her money back from him. All in all she missed 3 hours of work and had a pretty shitty day all because some banker-lady wasnt paying attention. (Did you get it?? PUNNY!!!!Oh shut up.)
Anyway, the funny part about it is that she said she thought of me while she was going through all this hassle. Because she knows that this kind of shit happens to me on a weekly if not daily basis.
Case:
When i was going to saskatchewan aka the land of the freak show, I let Jon use my car. So i thought it a good idea to put him on my insurance. I was told there was no extra cost for this. I recieved a registered letter yesterday saying if i didnt pay $60 by thursday midnight my coverage would be cancelled.
So i go into the office breathing fire, or garlic, and asked what the bloody hell was going on. After an hour of arguing I basically had to pay the freaking $60. Which brings the total to 2 times my insurance company has fucked up and managed to screw me up the ass with a carrot. And i am a preferrred customer. And i pay my insurance per year. PER YEAR> you would think they would love that. No hassle.
I am mistaken.
I forget sometimes that i am an extremely unlucky person in every regard and that when my family immigrated here they changed their name from Murphy.
So when my friend went through this today, she said she felt sorry for me. That i had to deal with this shit all the time.
Dr. Phil was talking to some people who felt that they were 'doomed' that all they had was bad luck. He said "Out of all the billions on this world, why do you think God would target you? What makes you so special?"
Well fuck him.
Fuck him with a rusty hammer.
There are certain people in this world who through no fault of their own just get screwed. I believe that I am paying karma for the sins of my father. Or past life crap. Or maybe I really AM that important and God wants to mess with me. which should technically make me feel better that i am that important.....
as a side God note:
After i had gotten dumped in what could only be the weirdest break up in history (I like you too much. I am afraid to like you more. so its easier to break it off now), I was obviously pretty depressed. On the drive home i was flipping through the radio and just then
just then
that song came on
My favourite song ever
I will survive.
Not half way through...right at the beginning. And the song seemed somehow appropriate to the situation.
Right after that I switched stations again and!
The song i have been trying to download but cant quite get, the song i have had stuck in my head fo rthe past 2 weeks came on.
Which i think shows that God felt sorry for me and even he was saying "What the fuck was that guy thinking? Here are som eof your favourite songs to cheer you up dear. There there. I will give him a plague for you. Something in the festering category perhaps?"
Adventures with no cable part 2
Idiocracy
Two weeks notice
Outer Limits
Dogma
Seed of Chucky
Richie Rich
Spider
I have also managed to read more books than is eyeball possible. I have been getting these headaches...right.......there. See that? Right behind my eye and in my temple. Now I either need to get new glasses or I have a brain tumour.
I have cleaned my apt. Done all the laundry. Cleaned out my son's room of old toys. Cleaned my room of all old clothes. Organized my dvds. and by organized i mean they are strewn all over the floor for easy access.
Jon fixed the dvd player. Turns out a dvd was stuck in it.
I now have nothing to do and am bored out of my tree. Which is the worst thing that could possibly happen as I am trying to get over a failed relationship and need to keep myself busy.
I think i may take up knitting again. Seriously.
Two weeks notice
Outer Limits
Dogma
Seed of Chucky
Richie Rich
Spider
I have also managed to read more books than is eyeball possible. I have been getting these headaches...right.......there. See that? Right behind my eye and in my temple. Now I either need to get new glasses or I have a brain tumour.
I have cleaned my apt. Done all the laundry. Cleaned out my son's room of old toys. Cleaned my room of all old clothes. Organized my dvds. and by organized i mean they are strewn all over the floor for easy access.
Jon fixed the dvd player. Turns out a dvd was stuck in it.
I now have nothing to do and am bored out of my tree. Which is the worst thing that could possibly happen as I am trying to get over a failed relationship and need to keep myself busy.
I think i may take up knitting again. Seriously.
Monday, August 20, 2007
hey!
I said hey!
I just got dumped.
well there you have it.
oh, and i managed to break 2 dvd players in one week. And the light in my car which tells me what gear i am in when its too dark to see.
So the conclusions I have drawn are:
1)I am radioactive
2) I have some magnetic force that has lying benign in my blood until now.
If either of these is true, I believe i shall go to the local college and get one of the design people to make me a costume out of taffeta. You never see super hero costumes made out of taffeta. And I really think that is a shame.
so anyway, i am alone again. which started an internal dialogue. I was not drunk for this. If i had of been perhaps it would have gone better.
M1:"Whats wrong with me?"
M2:"Well, you talk to yourself. That might be a good start. And you use outdated lingo"
M1:"Say what? I am not hip to that jive. I am fronting the best way i know how"
M2:"You also have a bad habit of acting superior to other people. they may find that annoying"
M1:"Can i help it if i am smarter than everyone i know? Except for jon?? "
M2:"You are moody."
M1:"Fuck you"
M2:"You like bad movies."
M1:"Somebody has to like them"
M2:"Mostly, you are just so completely awesome that people are blinded by the shine that is your wit, grace, charm and beauty. No one wants to stand that close to the sun"
M1:"Hmmm, you may have a point. I believe I shall go with this explanation."
Jon said the manliest of men has to be a Marine Corps firefighter. Because he is a firefighter AND an army type dude.
I think it has to be a ninja cowboy.
Either way, you know these guys will have a really fruity gay son.
I said hey!
I just got dumped.
well there you have it.
oh, and i managed to break 2 dvd players in one week. And the light in my car which tells me what gear i am in when its too dark to see.
So the conclusions I have drawn are:
1)I am radioactive
2) I have some magnetic force that has lying benign in my blood until now.
If either of these is true, I believe i shall go to the local college and get one of the design people to make me a costume out of taffeta. You never see super hero costumes made out of taffeta. And I really think that is a shame.
so anyway, i am alone again. which started an internal dialogue. I was not drunk for this. If i had of been perhaps it would have gone better.
M1:"Whats wrong with me?"
M2:"Well, you talk to yourself. That might be a good start. And you use outdated lingo"
M1:"Say what? I am not hip to that jive. I am fronting the best way i know how"
M2:"You also have a bad habit of acting superior to other people. they may find that annoying"
M1:"Can i help it if i am smarter than everyone i know? Except for jon?? "
M2:"You are moody."
M1:"Fuck you"
M2:"You like bad movies."
M1:"Somebody has to like them"
M2:"Mostly, you are just so completely awesome that people are blinded by the shine that is your wit, grace, charm and beauty. No one wants to stand that close to the sun"
M1:"Hmmm, you may have a point. I believe I shall go with this explanation."
Jon said the manliest of men has to be a Marine Corps firefighter. Because he is a firefighter AND an army type dude.
I think it has to be a ninja cowboy.
Either way, you know these guys will have a really fruity gay son.
Friday, August 17, 2007
I ate the King
Went to the MTO. Got a replacement License. Went to get my plate sticker and found out i have $168 in parking tickets. So instead of my sticker costing $78 it will cost me....well you do the math.
Went to the Reporting Centerbecuase i figure gettign 2 of the tickets taken care of is better than nothing. The officer who assisted me asked if i was planning on driving the car around with an expired sticker. To which i replied:
"Well, I kinda have to. Otherwise how will i get to work to pay for the damn thing? Oh, isnt there some grace period or something? I mean, I was only 6 days overdue on this sticker thing"
"Ma'am, you had all year to come up with the money for this"
well shit. he has a really good point there.
I hate it when i have a good mad on and someone goes and makes sense. Pisses me off more.
You know what? That very nice police officer cancelled it for me! He just told me to hurry up and get it replaced as soon as possible. I am not sure but i think i may have made out with a cop today. Gratitude does funny things with your memory.
I had Burger King for the first time in 10 years today. I'll tell you, it still tastes like ass. I will try it again in 10 years. Maybe then they would have put enough money into research for someone to have come up with a half decent tasting Whopper.
Went to the Reporting Centerbecuase i figure gettign 2 of the tickets taken care of is better than nothing. The officer who assisted me asked if i was planning on driving the car around with an expired sticker. To which i replied:
"Well, I kinda have to. Otherwise how will i get to work to pay for the damn thing? Oh, isnt there some grace period or something? I mean, I was only 6 days overdue on this sticker thing"
"Ma'am, you had all year to come up with the money for this"
well shit. he has a really good point there.
I hate it when i have a good mad on and someone goes and makes sense. Pisses me off more.
You know what? That very nice police officer cancelled it for me! He just told me to hurry up and get it replaced as soon as possible. I am not sure but i think i may have made out with a cop today. Gratitude does funny things with your memory.
I had Burger King for the first time in 10 years today. I'll tell you, it still tastes like ass. I will try it again in 10 years. Maybe then they would have put enough money into research for someone to have come up with a half decent tasting Whopper.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Oh! I had a birthday. I quit smoking. Which has nothing to do with my birthday other than it happened roughly around the same time. Seth made me make him dinner and then he gave me some pecan pie (his favourite) and a gift certificate for some lingerie (thinking more for him but at least it was a present). Then we played a rousing game of gin rummy. Which those of you from Heroes Fan forum will know what that is a euphemism for. Aren't I sneaky with my double entendres?
Surprisingly, it was probably the best birthday I have ever had. We also went for a walk and saw a swamp, some cool birds, a lot of frogs, and deer. He even held my hand when we were walking. Isn't that just dreamy?
How many more Facebook groups can there be? Is there some magic limit where the owners of Facebook will say:
"Okay people! We are sick of you starting these pissant little fucking useless groups that only your friends will join. You are a loser and quit thinking if your group gets a lot of people that somehow your face will clear up, your dick/tits will grow and everyone will forget about that time you pissed your pants at the xmas concert in front of the mayor."
Surprisingly, it was probably the best birthday I have ever had. We also went for a walk and saw a swamp, some cool birds, a lot of frogs, and deer. He even held my hand when we were walking. Isn't that just dreamy?
How many more Facebook groups can there be? Is there some magic limit where the owners of Facebook will say:
"Okay people! We are sick of you starting these pissant little fucking useless groups that only your friends will join. You are a loser and quit thinking if your group gets a lot of people that somehow your face will clear up, your dick/tits will grow and everyone will forget about that time you pissed your pants at the xmas concert in front of the mayor."
A typical Day
"Is your license sticker overdue?"
"Would you have pulled me over if it wasn't overdue?"
"Well....no"
"Well, then i guess it's overdue then isn't it Captian Obvious? Oh, I am sorry, Officer Obvious"
"May I see your driver's license, insurance and registration please?"
"Since you asked so nice I will let you see my insurance. And only my insurance. Because I was stupid enough to lose my license 2 weeks ago, never get it replaced and misplace my registration. But don't you feel lucky that I at least have insurance? Don't you feel safer?"
"Ma'am, do you have any picture ID at all?"
"No. Unless you count my Sin City VIP card"
"Ma'am, i have three tickets here for you now. These will all go away if you go to the Police Reporting place in the next 48 hours and show them all of this information. If not you must pay $330 and have sex with me. And my dad because he is lonely."
"But Officer! I don't have the sticker because I am broke! How can i come up with the money for it in the next 48 hours?"
"You look like a girl who has a useless baby daddy. And I imagine he is behind in child support. Why dont you try asking him for it. I am sure he will help you out. Since he is probably a fine and upstanding citizen who has his plate stickers renewed on-time."
"Okay Officer. I shall do so. Thank you for being so wonderful and protecting the dirty streets of London from the likes of me. A poor single mother who goes to school and works and who let her plate sticker lapse for 6 FUCKING DAYS. I appreciate it. I may have done something crazy like rape a stranger or commit robbery. Or burn a baby. Or dismember someone. Or dismember a burning baby who i am in the middle of robbing. But the world is so much safer now that you have given me these three tickets"
*disclaimer: The aformentioned incident may not have happened exactly as the author describes. She may have actually cried. And wet herself.
"Would you have pulled me over if it wasn't overdue?"
"Well....no"
"Well, then i guess it's overdue then isn't it Captian Obvious? Oh, I am sorry, Officer Obvious"
"May I see your driver's license, insurance and registration please?"
"Since you asked so nice I will let you see my insurance. And only my insurance. Because I was stupid enough to lose my license 2 weeks ago, never get it replaced and misplace my registration. But don't you feel lucky that I at least have insurance? Don't you feel safer?"
"Ma'am, do you have any picture ID at all?"
"No. Unless you count my Sin City VIP card"
"Ma'am, i have three tickets here for you now. These will all go away if you go to the Police Reporting place in the next 48 hours and show them all of this information. If not you must pay $330 and have sex with me. And my dad because he is lonely."
"But Officer! I don't have the sticker because I am broke! How can i come up with the money for it in the next 48 hours?"
"You look like a girl who has a useless baby daddy. And I imagine he is behind in child support. Why dont you try asking him for it. I am sure he will help you out. Since he is probably a fine and upstanding citizen who has his plate stickers renewed on-time."
"Okay Officer. I shall do so. Thank you for being so wonderful and protecting the dirty streets of London from the likes of me. A poor single mother who goes to school and works and who let her plate sticker lapse for 6 FUCKING DAYS. I appreciate it. I may have done something crazy like rape a stranger or commit robbery. Or burn a baby. Or dismember someone. Or dismember a burning baby who i am in the middle of robbing. But the world is so much safer now that you have given me these three tickets"
*disclaimer: The aformentioned incident may not have happened exactly as the author describes. She may have actually cried. And wet herself.
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