Hee hee

Oh yeah, thats right. I finally got a tattoo. The only one I will ever ever get. That bugger hurt worse than........well getting kicked in the ass by a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.
I will blog more on this when I am not wanting to rip my skin off.

potpourri # purple monkey canteloup

-Urgent Care centre should be called :"Please give me pain medication even though I am perfectly fine!" or "I am a welfare mom and need to have someone pay attention to meeeeeeee" or "There is nothing wrong with me other than being a huge hypochondriac. Does this look infected to you?"
Though in retrospect, those titles are probably too long.
-My "fuck off" bubble which I have PERFECTED over the years to deter people from trying to talk to me, is somehow being counter-acted by the metal in my crutches. (Not having taken chemistry ever, I can only suppose at this. It seems a valid hypothesis though). Perfect strangers feel the need and the right to ask me what happened to my knee. I have a stock response of :"There were ninjas. Long story short, Herpes suck." This generally makes them leave me alone.
The other annoyance I am getting is people making random comments about my injury. If I hear "I wonder what the other guy looks like!"* one more time, I am seriously going to break out of this PC mentality and retort all sad-eyed :"I wouldnt know. I was mugged and this is one of the injuries I was left with. But thank you for your concern."
-People are rude assholes and wont hold a damn door open for me. I KNOW they see me. THEY know I know they see me. And yet they pretend they don't so they won't have to hold the door open for 3 freaking seconds. These people make Jesus cry I swear to God.
-If you are fat, stop buying clothes sizes smaller than what you are! I am left with no clothes to choose from and you end up looking like a German sausage. That is not attractive. Fat rolls are not attractive. I don't care if your friends and family said you look great. They are a bunch of festering lying douchebags. They laugh at you behind your back and call you names. It makes them feel better that you are fat and dressing like a dumbass. Is that what you want? To make everyone else feel better?
I thought not.

*Ohh and they say it like no one has ever come up with that before. So witty. So.....witty.

The Bee's knees.

The old group got together this past Saturday for a time filled with bubbles and rainbows and most probably, massive amounts of alcohol. Far be it for me to be a party-pooper. I grabbed my bubbles, my rainbows and proceeded to drink more tequila than was necessary.
Now, the tequila may or may not have been a factor in the events to follow.
I needed to go outside for a smoke, but there was a stupid chair in my stupid way. So, i use my good leg to step on it (weight bearing and all that) and swing my bad knee/leg over it. I go to put my bad one down and don't you know....I caught my knee-cap on the back of another stupid chair. Which I would like to point out, had no good reason to be where it was. All in my way and such.
So I immidiately thought I was going to vomit, from the intense pain mind you. But, Mexico came to the rescue in the form of more tequila so I honestly thought I was fine. A little damaged, but I will survive.
The next morning I wake up and GOOD LORD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY KNEE?????? *sigh*
So I drag my arse up to the "Urgent Care Clinic", a misnomer if i have ever seen one and proceeded to sit and wait for 3 hours. I now am on crutches with an app't to go see a surgeon type person in a few weeks. Which is great because the ER wouldn't perscribe pain meds and my doctor won't either unless I drive 2 hours to go see him. Which I can't. Because I broke my knee.
So I am out of lovely yellow pills and I sit here, in pain. And it's all that stupid chair's fault.

*My tattoo app't is in 1.5 days! I am ridiculously nervous about this.
* The so-far normal guy is still pretty normal. So I am thinking something is wrong. Chances are he will realize what an unbelieveable weirdo I am and decide to randomly place chairs in my way to thwart my advances. Damnit, it will work too.

Adventures in Dating. Part 1 *sigh*

Because I know there will be more than one installment. How sad is that?
That date I went on last week-ish, the one I had such a good time on? Well the guy is completely ignoring me. I find this funny. I think he is embarrassed about it. He will talk to me as long as it is about anything BUT the date. I still stand by my impression that he had a good time too, but alas, I think the age was such a huge factor for him, that he couldn't contemplate my awesome-ness.
I am getting my very first tattoo next thursday, so no dating for a bit after that. I will be too sore.
Met a "so far" very cute guy on POF. He seems normal and he seems funny and he seems to be intelligent. I reserve the right to change this opinion based on past experience. POF is not the epitome of easy dating. If I get one more bad haiku, I am seriously going to shit in my hand and throw it at someone.
Saw a "comfy looking" girl yesterday. (I have decided "comfy looking" is a lot more PC than hugely fat). She was wearing bright purple velvet pants. And was leeeeaaaaannnning over a printer in the computer lab, showing about 2.5 inches of ass crack. It was sexual. Okay, it really wasn't. It was quite disgusting. She had on a belt, which i cannot understand. Perhaps she is unaware of what the purpose of one is.

Best wishes go out to Brooke and Joe for the (early) birth of their son! I finally gots me a baby to cuddle. And also Haley, who is going through a sucky-patch in life right now. I am sending her virtual candy.

K Srsly.

Jon and I went shopping at the mall last night. I owe Moody O'Selfish quite a bit of money but after having an internal dialogue, decided to instead, spend said money on new clothes. Screw him, he called me a whore.
Anyway, Jon was desparately hungry so our first stop was the E.coli rodeo, I mean the food court. We sit down to eat and HOLY SHIT! There are EMT's everywhere! And a stretcher! And security guards!! What the hell is going on? Has there been a shooting? A heart attack? Is a lady giving birth RIGHT HERE? Is someone bleeding profusely everywhere?
No.
A lady is hyper-ventilating.
In the word's of the immortal LOL cats....srsly.
The King EMT tells her she had an anxiety attack.
Here are my thoughts on this:
-If there is ever a place to have an anxiety attack, it should be in the most pubic place you can find so as the most amount of people staring at you will be achieved.
-You should exaggerate everything in the hopes that maybe you will get a free Orange Julius out of it
-Make everything seem worse to maximize the potential of the story to your friends and family.

what a downer

So i owe Moody O'selfish money and i call him to get his address to mail it. Seems pretty okay right? Holy shit no!
S:So you went on a date
M;Yup. Had a great time
S: Was it with someone from school?
M:Sort of, I met him in the cafeteria awhile ago. We're not togather anymore so i asked him if he was still interested. He said yeah so we went out.
S: So all that crap you gave me about how you werent chasing anyone at school and how i should trust you is all bullshit.
M: Um no. I didnt do anything while we were together. I only asked him because we are not together anymore.
S: Well the opinion I always had of you hasnt changed.
Click
The fucker hung up on me!
And implied I was a whore. Because might i add that he was constantly making references to it when we were together. Hence the "opinion he has always had of me". Why do guys suck so much? Geez.
I am offended he pulled a 14 yr old aversion tactic of hanging up instead of discussing things like a rational adult. And I am amazed at his audacity (thanks for the word nadine) to accuse ME of being a slut when he was the one having an emotional online affair. Arg! It is so hard for me to be eloquently verbiose right now. I am admitting in front of all three people here (Kathleen, ikin and random portugese guy who wants to give me "hugs all over blog") that i never cheated on him. I dont cheat.
Man, I am so unbeliveably angry right now. What a loser. I cant believe I wasted even a though on this guy.
Here's my list. That one you are supposed to do to remind yourself what a jerkass the person is.
-moody
-derogatory
-adequate at sex. And adequate is being nice. Unimaginative and selfish there too.
-ooooh selfish!!!
-messy
-basically just treated me like crap. Completely screwed with my self esteem and made me feel like i wasnt good enough

Screw him! I am much too pretty and awesome to waste any more time on him.
Aaaaaah. I feel much better now. I believe I shall have an alcoholic beverage and complete the night by doing what a new friend of mine suggested. Dressing in black and getting all 'emo'.

3 cheers for me!

I had a "date" last night. I have no idea if it was a real one. I am thinking not, but either way it was exactly what i needed. Saw the movie I am Legend. Which wouldnt have scared me so much if we hadn't of been sitting 2 feet from the screen and it wasn't so damn loud. Oh and if buddy beside me hadn't of spilled his entire pop in my vicinity. It is hard to be stoic in the face of danger and fright when your socks are soaking with pepsi.
Went for some drinks after. I had my standard tequila and gingerale. Why do people look so grossed out and surprised when i order it? Geez, it's no more disgusting than half of the other shit out there. I have a slight headache, though one may assume it's from only getting an hour of sleep and not the magical mexican liquid we all love.
I do feel a bit creepy. He is only 20. Which is why I am torn. I mean Holy Shit Go Team Me! for landing a 20 yr old! But, he's freaking 20 and I am....... slightly older. Not cougar older, but older enough. But I figure that guys do it all the time and when have I ever been one to give a rats as anyway? I get so little happiness that if I can get some with a puppy, then why the hell not?*
And boy was it fun. *sigh*
And the super best part is not once during the entire night did I think of my most recent ex. I have also been negligent in giving him an appropriate name. Hmmmmm, lets see. He did do some awfully nice and sweet things for me. But unfortunately his selfishness kind of overwhelms it. Moody O'Selfish. There we go. The S-man shall henceforth be referred to as Moody O'Selfish.
So then anyway, how nice was it for me to get home and realize that not ONCE did he cross my mind. I think that maybe the last time he dumped me really prepared me for the latest one. He obviously is wishy-washy. And being out with Hottie Lol-alot mad eme realize how much laughter and fun was lacking when i was with Moody. I was always so on edge with him. He found fault with whatever I did. It was nice to just sit and laugh.
Wow. Did I get maudlin there.
Oh well, fuck it! I am in a great mood. Gonna have some leftovers and hit the sack for a nap.
I need it.


*Disclaimer: This justification may not be to everyone's tastes.

And now for something completely different!

Well not really. As usual I am just complaining about my life. But I do it so well.
-Have a co-op interview by phone on wed which i am super nervous for. I have never done a phone interview and I really really want this job. My usual tactic to take is I walk in there and don't particularly care if i get it. Because I know there are a lot of other useless jobs out there for me. And of course because I act as such, I inevitabely get it. But this one! Ohhhh this one! This job is like sunshine wrapped in roses with a bow made out of rainbows. So with thei sttitude I probably won't get it. And the fact that Jon said he wouldccall them up and tell them i am addicted to crack. He is funny like that. Wait, I mean cruel.
-Have still not won lotto 649. And am terribly depressed at this. I almost want to go out and try to get hit by lightning to increase my odds.
-All of my son's sea monkies died while we were on our 'vacation'. He is oddly depressed at this and cried for quite awhile. The only thing that cheered him up was the promise that we would go buy more. He said a quick prayer for them as they were being disposed of. I found it touching and funny at the same time.
-Jon got me chocolate for Xmas. At least I think they are chocloates. All of the wording on the box is in some made-up language. I think it's Belgian. I had one and it tasted nutty. But they reminded me of something. Back in the day my step-grandma would have, in the washroom, a bowl with shells in it. Once, in one of my weirder mood days, I picked one up and licked it only to discover it was chocolate. I was thrilled! Chocolate in the bathroom??? Why hadn't more people thought of this? So I proceeded to emaciate the bowl over the course of the next few days. My grama seemed pretty surprised that these shells, which had previously gone untouched for years, were all of a sudden disappearing. (I would love to admit that I was younger, but in fact I was around 15 and should have known a lot better).
Fast forward to a few years ago when I watched an episode of Oprah where some muckity-muck was explaining that if you dont close the toilet lid when you flush that all of those little poo and pee germies went swilling up into the air and landed on every available surface. Of course I then remembered the chocolates and immediately became severely grossed out that I had eaten what is essentially poo chocolate. Was still quite yummy nontheless.
So here I am trying to eat these lovely chocolates Jon purchased for me and all I can think is how much I would love to put them in my bathroom on display. I have learned nothing!
-Have spent some quality time on a certain dating website since I have come home and am startled at the weirdness of it.
I do not claim to be a beauty. But I do know that I am a cute chickie. So I am confused as to why these welfare looking and ill-educated degenerates keep messaging me. I mean, I am well aware of what I can get man-wise. I know what my range is (attractive scale of 7-9. I could not possible hope to get a ten. I am not that good looking). I have so far recieved some very odd poetry, an awful haiku, some very bad jokes and one e-teddy bear.
I am also very young looking for how old I actually am and am amazed at how many guys who are roughly the same age as myself look like they could be my father.
On this note, if i have not mentioned it before, what is with bragging abut how you are in some band? Am I supposed to be impressed? Wow! You can play a musical instrument adequately! Good for you! Let me throw my panties at you! And "hanging out" is not an interest. It is remarkable how many people list this as an interest.
I am very much intrigued by the first 2 lines of a profile. I find that those 2 simple lines is how you define yourself as a person. So if you immediately mention you are a scorpio, that worries me.

Merry Freaking Xmas

It hurts me to even talk about this but I figure perhaps it can be therapy.
The boyfriend was excited about me going back for my holidays (3 weeks). After 3 days he decided that he needed to dump me and leave me completely in the lurch with many things. No place to consistently stay, no vehicle to drive around now, no way to eat etc. I would spend 2 nights at one friend's house, then 3 nights at another, then 2 nights back at the other's. It was awful in it's entirety. I had to get my one friend to drive my ass around and clean and babysit so I did nto feel like a burden to them. Ugh. I hate men.
So I suppose my major complaint is: Why is it that people in relationships don't understand that an emotional affair is still cheating?
The now ex-BF was having a continuous conversation with 2 girls that was wholely inappropriate for a guy in a relationship. And one of the girls was in one also. (Yes, I did something very very wrong here too. I am aware of this. I read his personal conversations without his permission. In my defense, if it is even possible to have one, is that I knew something was up and no matter how much i tried to discuss it with him, he would slough me off. I have ben cheated on by every single guy i have ever seriously dated, so I am paranoid).
When I am with a guy, I respect all that entails. I do not flirt with others, do not carry on inappropraite conversations, and i certainly am not physically involved with anyone else. Obviously if i like the person enough to be with them, I should respect that.
So why is it that I seem to be the only person who has this idea? He claimed to like me and yet would sit there and tell her how wonderful she is and how her BF doesn't appreciate her and how she can do so much better. (Implying of course that HE is the one that could assist her with this quest for utopia).
When I confronted him after about it I asked: "So the point of that? Is the the thrill of the chase? The fact that she might dump her BF of x years for you? The fact that if she does that somehow validates you as a person and fixes your screwed self-esteem?" He had no reply to that. I then mentioned that obviously if she did leave her BF for him, that he would always be wondering if she will do the same to him. With good reason. One who is in the habit of searching for greener grass will always be searching.